"How
do you respond to a dirty look or hurtful comments that come out of blue when
you least expect it? I’m usually caught
so off guard that I can’t even react or think
until later. I need quick action."
Annie Kaszina
“I Love Him So Much I Can’t Let Him Be That Way”
I hope you can help me out..
My boyfriend has become very abusive
towards me.. . But everytime he
keeps does tha6t he apologizes and and cries and it hurts me.. I feel i’m always
at fault.. ..I really love him so much that i cant let him
be this way..I was to be by his side.. But its hurtin me !! What should i do
..
F
Tony Blair likens himself to “abused and bullied women”
The support available for abused women in the UK leaves a
lot to be desired. Only recently two
white middle class professional wife beaters were treated with remarkable
leniency by the courts, one because he was “of previous good character”, the
other because “special circumstances” meant he was “unlikely to
re-offend”.
Perhaps it is in this context that we should view ex UK
Prime Minster Tony Blair’s comment, reported in Anthony Seldon’s recent
biography that his treatment at the hands of Gordon Brown’s allies was
"like an abused and bullied wife".
When you are between a rock and a hard place
Have you ever told yourself – and quite possibly friends
and family also – that you know your abusive partner better than anyone else
does?
In some ways you would be right; you would know far more
about his quirks and habits and frailties than anyone else. And in some ways you would be wrong;
How To Fill The Bottomless Pit Of Hopelessness
This
week a friend of mine called to tell me that she was feeling quite
strange. I pricked up my ears and
listened, concerned in case the difficulties she faces in her life had
multiplied.
B.
is a long term friend of mine, someone I knew years before I found out that I
was living in an abusive relationship, years before I understood what her
submissiveness was actually about. I
was a mouthy abused woman, she was a remarkably retiring, undemanding one. I thought that being vocal meant I was
strong and was, initially, horrified to realize that we both bore the same
label.
Our
paths divided for a while and then joined up again. By then I was already engaged in domestic violence research and
recovery. B. became embroiled in another
relationship that turned out to be abusive.
Who Spares A Thought For Abused Women?
In the last few weeks the UK papers have reported the
cases of two white, professional, well paid men who visited horrific domestic
violence on their wives and were treated remarkably leniently by judges. One of the two was a doctor.
Dr.
Stuart Brown walked free from court, but was ordered to pay his wife a
paltry £500 ($1,000). He had thrown her
to the floor and punched her at least 24 times after an argument about a new
car.
The
magistrate decided not to jail him because he had no prior convictions and was of
previous “good character”. The
magistrate told the wife beater: “No punishment this court could enforce could
come anywhere near the impact you feel this had on you, your profession and
your colleagues.”
What will you do?
In my new home I notice my pace of life has changed
a lot. Truth to tell, it has slowed
down. I, who have always raced from one
task to the next, find myself lingering over breakfast because I sit where the
sunlight comes in through my window.
It took me a couple of weeks pottering around
cleaning my already clean hob, or polishing the kettle (and pinching myself
because I only ever did that stuff under duress) to understand what was going
on. Because I am no domestic goddess,
you understand.
What I was really doing was being happy. And what I discovered was that this kind of
happiness, which is all about contentment and being at peace, takes time.
What do you know that isn’t so?
This week I was struck by something a young friend friend
F. said. She said: “I know that my life
will always be hard. I’ll always have
bad relationships with men.” F., poor
soul, is young enough to believe there is something deeply romantic about
troubled relationships that end in heartbreak.
So is she right that she will always have bad
relationships with men?
I don’t really belong to the group of abused women
"Dear Annie,
I very recently (last week) "ended" an emotionally abusive relationship. As
I struggle to recover, I turned to Google for help and stumbled upon your
blog. I have found your words very wise and inspiring , and that is why I am
writing this email. I will definitely spend the next few days reading most
if not all of your posts, but I know already that these posts are targeted
towards the major group of emotionally abused women, of which I am not a
part. In other words, I am hoping that perhaps you are able to offer me
some advice that you haven’t offered on your blog."
How To Heal Your Heart
What they don’t tell you in fairy tales is that every
Prince Charming has his own agenda – and it doesn’t match yours. Period. (Usually he’s trying to get away from
controlling parents.)
You don’t actually need a Prince Charming to revive
you. You can do it perfectly well for
yourself. Hearts don’t shatter so badly
that they cannot become whole again
