Month: June 2008

Have You Struggled To Stay In A Bad Relationship?

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An abuses woman engages in a superhuman struggle to stay in a bad relationship. She will even talk about ‘fighting to save the relationship’ or the man. The last thing she will ever truly consider doing is walking away. She experiences more sadness at the thought of leaving than she does about staying, whatever the cost to her of staying.

Is Sheryl Gascoigne A “Woman Who Loves Too Much”?

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In his day Paul Gascoigne (Gazza) was widely regarded as one
of the most talented UK football players of his generation.

But it all went horribly wrong. During his short marriage he was often violent towards Sheryl,
his wife. An insider is reported to
have said: “he is still haunted by the violence. It’s what began his demise
into drink and drugs."

Now he vows that he will never be violent towards her again
and she has promised never to leave his side, but to ‘be there for him every
step along the way’ on his journey back to health from alcohol addiction. 

According to Professor Richard Hammersley of Glasgow
Caledonian University:

“Sheryl has a long history with Gazza and it will
be incredibly important to him that she has decided to help him. She knows all his faults, has seen him at
his worst yet she still loves him enough to be there now. If someone is very down on themselves and
they get support from someone who has previously rejected them it can be an
enormous help.”

Lucky Gazza.

But what about Sheryl, now
deservedly being cast as the loving, selfless heroine of the piece?

Read more

What Happens When You Rewrite An Old Trauma?

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Abused women are more blinkered, when it comes to their strengths, qualities and resources, than any racehorse will ever be. All they ever have in their line of vision is their abusive partner pointing the finger of blame at them. Which is why we tend to gallop wearily onwards in an attempt to catch up with the abusive partner so that he will pat them and offer the odd sugar cube or carrot.
That is what you have to do for as long as you believe that it is all you can hope for.
Finally, there is a way to change that.

The Forgotten World Of Positive Emotions

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As regular readers of this blog will know, the past few
months have been a steep
learning curve for me. (I’m still
climbing, but the terrain has become much flatter and easier.)

Happily, there was been no abusive relationship to trigger
this life crisis. The circumstances
behind it are very far removed from that. And yet observing how the old abused feelings and reactions surfaced has
been … I’d like to say ‘fascinating’, but ‘sobering’ is closer to the
mark. I’ve wept and raged, I’ve licked
my wounds, I’ve felt like a victim (wrongly but, hey, familiarity exerts a huge
pull)...CLICK HERE to continue reading

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Lies Abused Women Tell Themselves

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An abusive partner rapidly becomes the most influential person in his partner’s life. He has the power to take an abused woman to dizzy heights of happiness (although the statistical odds of this happening decrease markedly the longer the relationship limps on). He has the power to plunge her into the depths of despair, and usually does. When he does, his partner needs to explain what has happened to herself. The problems in the relationship cannot really be his. That being the case, they must be hers, mustn’t they?

“Did You Know Survival Is An Intentional Decision?”

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Abused women tend to be more or less incapable of ‘taking the intentional decision to survive’. Especially if, by survival, you understand ‘create a life worth celebrating’, rather than ‘drag yourself along the shoreline, more dead than alive’. Abused women have no sustaining vision of their future life. As a general principle, they see the future as a wasteland.

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