“I Love Him So Much I Can’t Let Him Be That Way”

22 Oct 2007

I hope you can help me out..

My boyfriend has become very abusive
towards me.. . But everytime he
keeps does tha6t he apologizes and and cries and it hurts me.. I feel i’m always
at fault..  ..I really love him so much that i cant let him
be this way..I was to be by his side.. But its hurtin me !! What should i do


Hi F,
Actually, you
can’t stop him being any way he chooses to be.  Loving him doesn’t give you
either the power or the right to change him.
So, if you
want to be by his side then you are just going to have to be prepared to put up
with everything that he decides to dish out.  And you might as well do it with a
good grace or he will become even more abusive towards you, and quite possibly
violent also.
It’s down to
If you really
think that being with him is worth enduring escalating misery and always being
at fault then that is fine. 
If you think
I’m being cold and heartless because he cries and apologizes, well abuse is
abuse is abuse.  When it starts a lot of men apologize and cry and say it won’t
happen again and that they love you.  In time they stop apologizing, stop crying
and stop caring whether they hurt you.  Actually they want  to
hurt you.  It works for them. 
If I had a
dollar for every time a woman has told me that she can’t leave a man who
humiliates and beats her because once upon a time he used to apologize and cry,
I’d have a small mountain of dollars sitting on my desk. 
But don’t
take my word for it.  Stick around and you will see for yourself. 
I can’t help
you out by telling you it’s going to work out fine.  It isn’t.  You are in a
relationship that is taking a nose-dive into misery and humiliation for you. 
I’ve given you the facts.  What you do with them is your choice. 

You’re unhappy now and you worry that if you end the relationship you will be even more unhappy.  And so you may in the short term; although you might be amazed how  quickly women find they didn’t really like being found fault with all the time. 

One thing I can guarantee is that you will be far more unhappy for far longer if you stay.  Trust me it will get worse and worse. 

Warm wishes for your recovery



Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

Leave a comment

The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse.  Starting with the basics.

Connect with me on Instagram

Want daily reassurance and inspiration? Sign up to my Instagram account. @dr_anniephd