The bedrock of every abusive marriage, or partnership, is the premise that the abuser decides who is, and is not, ‘good enough’; and, try as they may, the abused partner will never, ever be good enough – whatever that means. Show me one abused woman who has not been programmed for shame, and anxiety, and not feeling good enough by her abusive partner; and, most probably, her family, before him.
When did you become silent to yourself? Were you a child? A teenager? A young woman? A wife?
How did you become silent to yourself? What made you stop listening to your own feelings, your own needs and wants, your soul?
Why did you become silent to yourself? I know that your abusive partner said this, that and the other, but still, why did you stop listening to yourself? And if it was a strategy intended to help you, did it?
Where did you become silent to yourself? Can you remember the place where you made that decision? And are there any areas in your life where you still do listen to yourself?
Valentine’s Day is the day for lovers. It’s the day when happy couples celebrate, and lots of couples pretend; while singles and people in bad relationships can feel pretty sorry for themselves. It can be the perfect opportunity for a “Pity Party”. Unfortunately, Pity Parties are the loneliest parties in the world. If you don’t want be a Valentine’s Day martyr, you need to know the Top 10 Things NOT to do.
The real mistakes that women make in abusive relationships have nothing to do with faults or inadequacies. They are all about being too willing to carry on believing the best of someone who is trying very hard to show you just what a jerk he is.
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