At some point, every one of us
has longed for that fuzzy ultimate feel-good sense of being regarded as the
perfect inhabitant of a perfect world by our perfect partner.
Whatever the problem is, love is
the answer. Love is all you need, after
all. Flimsy love stories still
impact on our psyche at the subliminal level, teaching us that you can build
strong relationships on hopelessly inadequate foundations.
Denial isn’t a river in Egypt. It’s
actually a snowball hurtling down a steep slope, becoming ever bigger
and gathering momentum as it goes. Once you’ve started explaining his
bad behaviours away, you just keep on doing it, way beyond the dictates
of common sense and self-respect. Having put him on a pedestal, you’re
left in the mud and slime beneath his plinth; and that is where you
stay, way, way too long.
How then can you feel good about yourself, when you feel terrible? By consciously employing the same process to create the result that you desire, that someone else used to control and diminish you.
That process is language. You know it works, because of the havoc it has wreaked on you.
So you are licking your wounds. Your
relationship came to a bad end. Your fairy prince turned into a swine.
The romance that started magically in your dream castle ended up in a
grotty sty. As for your swain, well, he ended up smelling of a number
of things; but roses was not one of them.
Naturally, your
confidence has been dented. Somewhere along the line your judgement was
a bit skewed on that one. But you are not going to let it put you off
men for life. Besides, you are the kind of woman who needs to have a
man in your life.
Are you someone who puts your emotional needs on hold, while you wait for your partner to change their behaviour? Despite increasing evidence to the contrary, do you choose to believe that your partner will give up an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling – or emotionally and physically abusive behaviour? If so, you may be a ‘hopium’ addict.
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