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Are you still playing catchup and how to stop

Are you still playing catchup and how to stop
This week, I really want to talk to you about catchup. It’s far from being my favorite game but it is very much on my mind this week. But I’ve spent the last 24 hours playing catch up with myself.
Why?
Because my partner is struggling with his health […]

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The Freedom to Make Mistakes

You learn, in a toxic relationship, that there are no innocent mistakes ever. At least when you are the person making the mistakes. As ever, an entirely different set of rules apply to the Narcissist. Even when, one way or another, the Narcissist exits your life, your patterned trauma response does not depart with them. You still retain the same dread of making mistakes.

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How easily wounded are you by people’s hurtful words?

Almost all survivors of narcissistic abuse need to perform a total rethink about the power of words. We have been taught – mostly by people some way along the abusive spectrum – that their words are not a big deal.  They argue that we we should be able to brush them off.  (Even though this is yet another of those cases where there is one law for you and quite another for them.) Instead, you need to learn what their words say about them.

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“Will my family ever really see me?”

Have you ever felt invisible? In the context of your home with an abusive partner? And especially in your family of origin? if so, this post is for you.
This week, a lovely client was asking me why it was that her family of origin just didn’t seem to see her?  Even when she was physically […]

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Are you competing in the emotional hurdles?

“Do you think that emotionally I am “behind” other adults?” my client asked me.
That’s not a question that I had ever heard formulated in quite that way before.  Still, the underlying belief sounded all too familiar.
All children of narcissistic parents come into this world with an emotional yardstick in their little, pudgy hands (metaphorically speaking, […]

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What do you think about pickleball?

Most survivors of narcissistic abuse continue to live like they are still in the old war zone, where everything feels like a matter of life or death. You can take the narcissistic abuse survivor out of the war zone.
But you also have to take the war zone out of the survivor.

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What is the most important thing you forget during tough times?

What is the most important thing that survivors of narcissistic abuse forget about? The same thing that they forgot about during the toxic relationship. Their own well-being.

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Who might you not be showing the care they need?

Who might you not be showing the care they need?
How familiar are you with the experience of worrying deeply other people’s feelings to the point of tiptoeing around them, metaphorically speaking?  Not least because you know that something about the way that they connect with you (or don’t connect with you) feels a tad off […]

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What coping strategies do you fall back on when life is hard?

Perhaps the most prevalent coping strategy of all of us survivors of narcissistic abuse that really blights our quality of life is self-blame and self shame.
When you grow up in an environment where kindness and compassion are conspicuous only by their absence, blame and shame become the order of the day. Abusive people, especially abusive loved ones, use blame and shame both to motivate you and to demotivate you to the point of paralysis.

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How much does a feeling of worthlessness cost you?

You can take a person out of an abusive situation, but it can sometimes prove a lot harder to take the abusive programming out of the person. When you stop buying into that old feeling of worthlessness, you lose the appeal you once had for Narcissists.

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The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse.  Starting with the basics.

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