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How can I protect myself from a narcissistic partner?

One of the first things that a Narcissist teaches you, once the lovebombing has reached its expiration date, is how to compromise.  Needless to say, they don’t teach you by example. Narcissists are not big on making compromises. Instead, they teach you exerting as much psychological and emotional pressure as it takes to make you cave in to their wishes.You soon learn a pattern of more or less automatic compromise/capitulation to their demands that puts you forever on the defensive. Breaking free requires a few subtle mindset shifts.

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4 Secrets to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

4 Secrets to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Have you come across the oft quoted saying on Instagram: “A Narcissist doesn’t break your heart, they break your spirit, that’s why it takes so long to heal.” It’s one of my personal bugbears.  I understand that it offers a certain gratification, inasmuch as it – rightly – […]

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“Was I married to your husband?”

Abusive men are much more like one another than they are like anyone else. They are not your fault. We do them, and ourselves, no favours at all when we tolerate their bad behaviour. Like spoilt children, indulging them only allows them to become worse. But, as chronological adults, it is for them to take responsibility for their own behaviour; not us. No matter how much they may tell us that their bad behaviour is our fault, that doesn’t make it true.

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4 Unexpected Life Lessons from a Lonely Cupcake

You could argue that Lonely was just a cupcake, my portion control was off, and why make a big deal about it in the first place. But that would be dismissive thinking and I would urge you to beware of dismissive thinking. It was the dismissive thinking of toxic people that led you to believe that your feelings didn’t matter, and it was okay for them to gaslight and isolate you and then blame you for it.

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Are you still playing catchup and how to stop

Are you still playing catchup and how to stop
This week, I really want to talk to you about catchup. It’s far from being my favorite game but it is very much on my mind this week. But I’ve spent the last 24 hours playing catch up with myself.
Why?
Because my partner is struggling with his health […]

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The Freedom to Make Mistakes

You learn, in a toxic relationship, that there are no innocent mistakes ever. At least when you are the person making the mistakes. As ever, an entirely different set of rules apply to the Narcissist. Even when, one way or another, the Narcissist exits your life, your patterned trauma response does not depart with them. You still retain the same dread of making mistakes.

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How easily wounded are you by people’s hurtful words?

Almost all survivors of narcissistic abuse need to perform a total rethink about the power of words. We have been taught – mostly by people some way along the abusive spectrum – that their words are not a big deal.  They argue that we we should be able to brush them off.  (Even though this is yet another of those cases where there is one law for you and quite another for them.) Instead, you need to learn what their words say about them.

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5 Things You Need to Know about Setting Boundaries with a Narcissistic Partner or Family Member

You have to understand that boundaries serve the purpose of protecting you from abuse and restoring your sense of your worth. Boundaries do not exist to help you create a bit of breathing room for yourself in what is an unjust and unpleasant status quo. They serve to establish the kind of status quo that you choose to be a part of, a status quo in which you are shown the respect and consideration owed to an equal. That is what makes effective boundaries so essential for every survivor of narcissistic abuse.

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“Will my family ever really see me?”

Have you ever felt invisible? In the context of your home with an abusive partner? And especially in your family of origin? if so, this post is for you.
This week, a lovely client was asking me why it was that her family of origin just didn’t seem to see her?  Even when she was physically […]

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The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse.  Starting with the basics.

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