Who might you not be showing the care they need?
How familiar are you with the experience of worrying deeply other people’s feelings to the point of tiptoeing around them, metaphorically speaking? Not least because you know that something about the way that they connect with you (or don’t connect with you) feels a tad off […]
Perhaps the most prevalent coping strategy of all of us survivors of narcissistic abuse that really blights our quality of life is self-blame and self shame.
When you grow up in an environment where kindness and compassion are conspicuous only by their absence, blame and shame become the order of the day. Abusive people, especially abusive loved ones, use blame and shame both to motivate you and to demotivate you to the point of paralysis.
You can take a person out of an abusive situation, but it can sometimes prove a lot harder to take the abusive programming out of the person. When you stop buying into that old feeling of worthlessness, you lose the appeal you once had for Narcissists.
All Narcissists are grandiose in their own own way. They all have their exceptional hero and victim story. When it comes to you, however, the narrative changes. Mostly, they focus on your mistakes, alleged flaws and vulnerability. Some focus on your qualities. Yet even if they put you on a pedestal – especially in public – they still manage to use your qualities to make you feel unworthy. The one thing that they will never accept is your authenticity.
True acceptance of my narcissistic relationship would have meant acknowledging that I was totally lost, confused, hurting, ashamed of myself, heartbroken, despairing and not prepared to give up on someone who thoroughly disliked me.
Dealing with a narcissistic co-parent is never going to be easy. However, you could – unwittingly – be doing some things that make it even harder for you to feel okay about going it alone. If that sounds like you, then you might like to consider these 9 strategies that are guaranteed to make you feel less conflicted and more confident in your parenting.
“How Do You Know When You Are Over Emotional Abuse?”
“How do you know when you are over emotional abuse?” is, in my experience, the question least asked. Abuse survivors ask, instead,
a) “Can I heal after all that I have been through?”
b) “How long will it take to get over this?”
c) “How soon will I feel […]
If you grew up in an abusive home, you probably learned to self-isolate and deal with problems, to the best of your ability, alone and unsupported. That is a tough way to live. So, here are some powerful pointers to help you break free of the self-isolation and overwhelm.
We embark on the process of healing from narcissistic abuse with so many shoulds – and shouldn’ts: it should be easy, it should be quick, it should go exactly according to plan… If only healing were as easy as wiping washable markers off a whiteboard with one wave of a wiper. The wounds of abuse go very deep. So, it helps to change the way that you work on them.
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.