“Annie, I don’t know what to do. Things really are better with my husband,. He’s trying hard. But when communication breaks down between us, I start telling myself it’s hopeless, and I have to leave – even though that’s the last thing I want to do do. Help, please.”
Dear Wanda,
You and I have been in […]
Farrah is someone who has put a LOT of effort into getting over an abusive relationship. She’s read a lot, thought a lot, and tried a lot of things, including counselling, without feeling a whole lot better. And, like most of the women I work with, she was struggling stoically. She’s come to accept that […]
How can you tell if you’re catastrophizing when it’s something you’ve been doing for so long that it feels absolutely normal to you? And why should it matter anyway?
First, let’s look at the Top 10 Signs of Catastrophizing.
1) Catastrophizing takes you straight into Doom-and-Gloom mode. Something happens and before you know it you are in […]
What do women almost always tell themselves when they leave an abusive relationship?
One thing they tell themselves is that they are “damaged goods”.
Isn’t it great how we think of ourselves as merchandise rather than human beings?
I haven’t heard anyone come right out and say the words “shop soiled” yet, but damaged goods is a phrase […]
“Tyrannosaur” is a low budget British film about domestic violence that has won several prizes, received almost unanimous critical acclaim, and is getting precious little exposure. Few cinemas are showing it and, when I went to see it there were only 6 people in the cinema – including myself and my companion.
Of course, there are […]
How does Mr Nasty do it? How does he worm his way into your heart, your bed, and your head – usually in exactly that order? Even if you’ve known him for a while, and found him thoroughly objectionable, the time comes when he dons his Prince Charming mask. He’s allergic to it, so he’s […]
Real men don’t hit women. And they don’t use words to hurt, humiliate, diminish, or reject them, either.
Abusive men do.
Enotionally abusive men can – and do – systematically smash women to pieces without ever raising their hand.
When emotional abuse happens to you, more often than not it seems to be a spontaneous outpouring of fury […]
The summer of the year my divorce finally came through saw my garden covered with white flowers. I’d never seen it so festive.
Unfortunately things were not quite what they seemed…
Trying to eject my abusive husband from my life was one of the most tiring things I ever did. Because of the endless emotional turmoil.
Because I […]
The message: real men don’t hit women should be perfectly self-explanatory, but is it?
What exactly do we mean by the term “hit”?
And should we assume that if a man does NOT hit a woman he can’t be guilty of domestic violence?
Of course, things are not really that simple. That kind of generalization is misleading – […]
Real men do NOT hit women. That goes without saying. But if real men don’t hit women, what kinds of men do use physical violence against women.
The following categories are not mutually exclusive. Men who hit women alternate between the categories, depending on expediency, how much they regress at any given moment.
1) Playground bullies – […]
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