An unexpected parting gift from my whiteboards, no less

We embark on the process of healing from narcissistic abuse with so many shoulds – and shouldn’ts: it should be easy, it should be quick, it should go exactly according to plan… If only healing were as easy as wiping washable markers off a whiteboard with one wave of a wiper. The wounds of abuse go very deep. So, it helps to change the way that you work on them.

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Different kinds of bad relationships

Wouldn’t it be nice if we only had to experience being ill-treated by one man, and we learned from it never to make certain mistakes again? For most of us, the reality is slightly different. We learn that a certain kind of man treated us badly, in a certain kind of way, and we resolve never to make that mistake again. Sadly, we don’t think that we could be vulnerable to different, but equally calamitous, mistakes. That is precisely why we repeat them.

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“Was I married to your husband?”

Abusive men are much more like one another than they are like anyone else. They are not your fault. We do them, and ourselves, no favours at all when we tolerate their bad behaviour. Like spoilt children, indulging them only allows them to become worse. But, as chronological adults, it is for them to take responsibility for their own behaviour; not us. No matter how much they may tell us that their bad behaviour is our fault, that doesn’t make it true.

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Could You Be In Denial?

Could you be in denial?
Could that have anything to do with why Other People shake their heads, and express amazement that you ‘just can’t see what’s going on and walk away’?
Is Denial something you’ve even stopped to think about?
If you haven’t, perhaps you should.
Original it ain’t, but it still merits repetition: “Denial is not a […]

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The Sad Story of Sabrina S. Emotionally Abused Wife, and Selfless Mother

If, for whatever reason, you don’t feel able to take on board a sad story, that’s okay.  Just stop reading here.  Because today I need to tell you the sad story of Sabrina S.
I’m guessing Sabrina would be happy for me to share her story with you.  Unfortunately, I can’t ask her, because I’ve just […]

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What are you not seeing?

What are you not seeing? Have you ever had the feeling you must be missing something that was staring you in the face?  
When you think about it, you must have done, mustn’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to be so, er …  blind to the shortcomings of an emotionally abusive man.  
We don’t see […]

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2013, YOUR Year

It’s 2013, your year! 
Hooroo!  Christmas and the New Year are behind you!  Now you can turn your attention to making 2013 your year.
Like everyone else, you come to the New Year with your fears, anxieties, problems, and possibilities.  Inside your own head, what’s making more noise, your fears-anxieties-problems?  Or your possibilities? 
Does it sound like a […]

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“How can I ever trust again?”

One very common problem faced by women who’ve been through the mincing machine of an abusive relationship is: how do you ever trust again?  And how do you learn to trust safely, and wisely?  There is a massive need abused women have for a surefire way of knowing who to trust, how to trust, and […]

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“Why Can’t He..?”

 “Why can’t he behave like a normal person?” Geri asked.
Because I was pushed for time, but wanted to reply, I gave her the short answer.  I’ve no doubt your head already knows the answer as well as I do, but maybe your feelings play tricks on you, just like Geri’s feelings do.
The short answer goes […]

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“And… and… and-ing”

Last week, I listened to an interview on Desert Island Discs with Lord Victor Adebowale, who started his working life as a street sweeper and went on becoming one of Britain’s rare black life peers.  It was an inspirational interview, thanks to Lord Adebowale’s mental attitude.  You can listen to the interview here:
When asked about […]

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The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse.  Starting with the basics.

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