“Why can’t he behave like a normal person?” Geri asked.
Because I was pushed for time, but wanted to reply, I gave her the short answer. I’ve no doubt your head already knows the answer as well as I do, but maybe your feelings play tricks on you, just like Geri’s feelings do.
The short answer goes like this: “He’s not behaving like a so called normal person, because he chooses to behave like a jerk. That is the job description he chose for himself in his relationship with you and – most probably – with other women also. It’s not about you. It’s about him.
“As regards his normality, you might find it easier to put him in some kind of context that makes sense to you, if you could tell yourself he’s NOT normal, but the chances are he is normal. Being a jerk is not proof of abnormality, merely nastiness. Some abusers are narcissists, and/or sociopaths, but most are not. Most are merely immature bullies.”
But there’s rather more to your question than that, is there not?
The really important stuff is what is going on inside you…
So, let’s start somewhere near the beginning. You’ve had a bruising, damaging relationship with someone with an impressive capacity for nasty, destructive behavior.
He started out wearing his: “Look at me, I’m Prince Charming” T-shirt – and you were wooed by the T shirt. He looked good in the T-shirt. He talked a good game.
He told you a story that was calculated to appeal to you. Most likely he went for either:
a) I’m a pretty sophisticated, successful, worldly person, with a lot going for me, and being around me adds kudos to you, or