05 Oct 2011

The summer of the year my divorce finally came through saw my garden covered with white flowers.  I’d never seen it so festive.

Unfortunately things were not quite what they seemed…

Trying to eject my abusive husband from my life was one of the most tiring things I ever did.  Because of the endless emotional turmoil.

Because I was so tired, certain things got neglected.  Like my garden.

See, I was never much of a gardener.

One glorious Sunday a friend came for lunch, took one look at my garden, and shrieked: “Oh my goodness, Annie!  Your garden is covered in bindweed.  It’s strangling the life out of every plant you have!”

I’d been too exhausted to be mindful of what was going on in my garden.

I was too unaware of what bindweed looked like to recognise it when I saw it.

And I’d been too ignorant of the effects of bindweed to realize how it was damaging my garden.

Bindweed isn’t something that just chokes the life out of your garden.

Emotional bindweed will choke the life out of you.

Especially if you are worn out from trying to make sense of a Crazy-Maker’s behavior.

Suppose you have an abusive partner, or ex-partner, who is still messing with your head.  The chances are you will be so focused on trying to understand what’s really going on in his head, and why he does what he does, that you haven’t noticed what’s really going on.

You focus on the one thing you cannot change – which is him – and end up feeling powerless, and worthless.

You haven’t realized how the stems and seeds of his negativity, where you’re concerned,  are growing in the soil of your mind.

So how do you recognize that the roots and shoots of his negativity are choking the life out of you?

You know his emotional bindweed is choking the life out of you when:

Life doesn’t feel worth living.  You spend most of your time, inside your head, going round in ever decreasing circles thinking about him.

You feel like you’re wading waist-deep in treacle(molasses).  You lack the energy and motivation to follow through on things you know you should do… and even want to do.

You give yourself a hard time most – if not all – of the time.  You don’t treat yourself like a valuable person whose feelings matter.  You treat yourself at least as badly as he treats you.  Your self-talk is FULL of blame, shame, and criticism.

You’ve given up on yourself.  Your future looks about as attractive to you as it would if you were lost in space.

You’ve become the invisible woman.  You’ve disappeared off your own radar, and you expect other people not to take notice of you.

You catastrophizewithout even realizing that’s what you’re doing.  

How can you know you’re catastrophizing?

You never lose sight of the worst-case scenario – that’s the one you expect to happen.  You may not be aware of it, but your automatic assumption is that only bad things ever happen to you.

Now, you have a right to be wary.  You’ve had your fingers badly burnt, by him.

But if you constantly focus on bad things, how are you going to recognise the good stuff, even if it comes and bites you on the hand?

How are you going to feel safe to move forward?

If you’re tired of emotional bindweed choking the life out of you, and there was a risk-free way of breaking the hold of that bindweed would you take it?

I believe there is.

You can read about it here:

A month from now, you’ll:

  • Know how to recognise exactly when you are catastrophizing.
  • Have at least 3 powerful, proven ways of dealing with it
  • Stop judging yourself by his standards
  • Feel more confident than you have done in years
  • Know how to break problems and issues into bite-sized, manageable chunks, so you can work through them
  • Have a new respect for yourself

In short, you’ll feel far more positive about yourself, and your future.

And you know yourself how much easier everything becomes when you’re feeling more positive.

For the next month you will have me as your coach offering you my unconditional, personal support, so you feel heard, acknowledged, accepted, and honored.

(You’ll even get the opportunity to continue working with me, at the same affordable rate, if you want continued support.)

Check it out here:

Warm wishes,

Annie G



Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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