It’s that time of year again, the time of year when, so the
hype goes, everything in your life should be rosy. If your life is not rosy, it can be especially hard to have to
admit the failure of a relationship in which you invested so much.
Annie Kaszina
“I Don’t Have Much Self-Respect”
This week
one reader wrote: "I don’t have much self-respect… and I guess it shows".
That would be my guess too.
Not that I know this reader at all.
I’ve never met her or communicated with her before. But if I had to hazard a
guess I’d say
How Are You Teaching People To Behave Towards You?
Last week the son of a dear friend came to stay, ‘on his own’ as he put
it, ‘with Maria’ (not her real name) his girlfriend.
Needless to say my antennae were already
quivering…
Finding the courage to walk away
"I have decided to walk away because without counselling I no longer
believe this longterm abusive dysfunctional relationship could be repaired. He is acting
as if I am being unreasonable. I am scared of the unknown after all this time
and I do ask myself what I could have done differently.
believe this longterm abusive dysfunctional relationship could be repaired. He is acting
as if I am being unreasonable. I am scared of the unknown after all this time
and I do ask myself what I could have done differently.
My main concern is not getting seduced by his words again, as I have so often before. I still care and
perhaps love him but know this relationship is no good for me but it is hard to
sever the links once and for all.
perhaps love him but know this relationship is no good for me but it is hard to
sever the links once and for all.
Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated annie" H
Breaking the code
Recently I’ve been making
lots of mistakes not, happily, mistakes that inconvenience
other people, but still mistakes that have led to ‘Plan B’ on more than one
occasion.
Now, everyone has different
learning styles, and I am one of those people who need to repeat an experience
several times (at least) before I learn from them. I also believe that the
Universe will keep presenting you with the same lesson as many times as it takes
until you finally get it.
So what were all the recent
mistakes about?
There is never just one
explanation; there are always a number of equally valid explanations. You
get to choose which one seems most accurate and constructive.
“I miss the intimacy”
Hi Annie,
I am so grateful for your website. I have just been flung out
of a severely abusive relationship and made to feel it was my own doing and with
your 7 step help guide, I hope to evercome this. I just wanted to know if in the
future steps there was anything about missing the intimacy (being touched, sex,
kissing etc)? I ask this because although I was abused along with my children
(his step children) I still miss him touching me and loving me as this was one
thing there were no issues with and became something I clung to. Knowing that he
picked someone out straight away is really hurting me too and I keep imagining
them in bed together and it hurts so deeply. I also have a strong objection to
anyone else touching me, almost like thinking only his hands can make me feel
special. I would love any advice you have to give.
“Trust your abilities”
"Trust your abilities; you have
what it takes to succeed. Your self-confidence just hasn’t caught up yet."
I wish I had penned these words,
because I guess I have spent years trying to convey as pithily to abused women
that they already possess what they need to have a happy life; their self-belief
just hasn’t caught up yet. But it wasn’t me…
“Can an emotionally abusive partner change their colors?”
"Can an emotionally abusive partner of several years change
their colors? I’ve been in a relationship for some years and am worn out. Now he
wants to get married…. After all these years. Has done everything right for the last 2
months but am afraid the cycle will stop after 3 months. He’s broken up with me
about 50 times, each time coming back to me in tears with flowers in one hand
and a card in the other. I told him I won’t marry him and not to ask again
for 6 months so I know the cycle has ended."
“I don’t want to go over the same ground again and again”
When I asked them what changes, specifically, they wanted to
make almost half of them found it hard to reply.
These
women were feeling demotivated and unfocused and so had fallen into a vicious
cycle; because they were demotivated and unfocused they found it hard to
identify what they wanted to achieve, and not knowing what they wanted to
achieve caused them to feel increasingly demotivated and unfocused.
Some of them could only identify what they did not want in their life. Little did they know how harmful that negative focus could be…
What is wrong with me that I can’t seem to get myself out of this hell?”
Dear Annie
”I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship and have been for many
years now….I just feel tired and like I can’t move myself to do anything.
Do I sound like a weak and silly woman?
Annie, I know I need to make changes…just like I bought your ebook and had it
2 weeks and not read it yet.
What is wrong with me that I can’t seem to get myself out of this hell hole?”
