Annie Kaszina It’s not unusual for clients to tell me what they should do, or what they need to do. And we’re not just talking about goal setting here. Abused women often tell me that they have to stop waiting for an abusive partner to change. Or they should take better care of themselves. Or they need to believe they deserve a better life. What they don’t know is that they’ve been brainwashed by the “Misery Trilogy”!
You’ve spent your time being nice to – that is doing back flips to please – a man who treats you badly –and, all the while, treating yourself badly, when you could get to treat yourself well. It’s never about changing away from being nice. It’s all about loving yourself first, and not casting pearls before swine…
How do I determine my part to his actions? He can’t have an argument by himself. So, what I have done in my actions that may have set the course for some of the abuse. There are always two sides to the story. Or does he just get blamed for everything?
Not all women are abused at some point in there life – although a lot are. Not a lot of us are taught how to make good relationships. Instead, we’re taught how to put ourselves last. After 7 years of research, I’ve written a report about how women are PROGRAMMED to sabotage their relationship chances.
It wasn’t that long ago that I realized something important.Nobody ever told me which part of fairy tales to believe. I mean, we all know that fairy tales are…
The sexuality of abusive men is perverted. They use – or withhold – sex for control, not love. They ‘relate’ to their partner in a damaging way. That is a feature of the breed. I am very happy to generalize about abusive men; because they are, ultimately, eerily like clones. They all share the same loathing for women. They all abuse their partners in very similar ways.
For every abused woman, the ‘reality check’ kicks in, at some point. Something makes you realize how profoundly miserable you are in your abusive relationship. The towels that are the gift you get for marrying the wrong guy, the dream about the timeshare that’s never going to come true, the fight because you’re wearing the wrong shoes. Finally, you see the light. t’s never going to get any better.
Your abusive partner is only ever going to get worse.
One thing that we all know – to our cost – is that abusive men are very attached to their abusive programming. In fact, the thing that makes them so toxic is that they are more attached to their abusive programming than they are to their partner.
My abusive husband, now we’ve been separated for 3 months, has changed from being physically aggressive to emotionally abusive to sickly sweet. He is trying to prove to me and all our friends that he has changed and is capable of talking nicely and not get angry.
I remember Oprah talking about a difficult situation. She asked, “What is the lesson here, let me learn it quick so I can move on.” What about you? Have you asked the Universe for the lesson? Try journaling by using both hands. With your dominant hand ask, “What is the lesson?” and with your non-dominant hand, write the answer.
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