“It’s not about you” Part 1

The message your abusive partner gives you loud and clear is that it’s all about you and what you do wrong. Everything bad that happens in his life is somehow because of what you do wrong.  It’s not surprising abused women think that ‘it’ is all about them. They hear it often enough.  
But here’s the curious thing; abusive men all say much the same thing, the world over. Abusive men are still playing out the small child’s view of the world, in which they are the center of everything. If a situation pans out differently, they will throw a temper tantrum to re-establish their desired status quo.

On Courage

The abusive contract that I, and every other woman there had signed up for, albeit unawares, was this: “I will tolerate whatever you dish out.” I say that because we always gave in, always ultimately went back to our abusive partner, and excused, overlooked, denied, or minimized the unacceptability of their words and deeds. Whatever we said along the way, the ultimate message our abuser received and registered was this: “This too I will accept. I may not like it, but I am still here.”