“It’s not about you” Part 1

29 Apr 2009

When you are in an abusive relationship, you quickly discover that everything you do is wrong.   

The message your abusive partner gives you loud and clear is that it’s all about you and what you do wrong.   

The relationship can’t work because of what you do wrong.  He loses his temper sometimes and becomes hostile because of what you do wrong.  If he doesn’t have a job, that is because of what you do wrong.  If he has a job and is desperately unhappy then that’s because of what you do wrong.  Everything bad that happens in his life is somehow because of what you do wrong.

You are always to blame, for everything.

If something good were to happen, which it rarely does, that would not be about you; that would be about him.  And if, by chance, it does happen, life will surely fall back into the old negative default pattern before long, and that will be because of what you do wrong. 

A crude, but accurate, rule of thumb would be this: everything is always, entirely your fault, because of what you do wrong.   

It’s not surprising abused women think that ‘it’ is all about them.  They hear it often enough.   

But here’s the curious thing; CLICK HERE to continue reading


Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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