Annie Kaszina - Annie Kaszina

“Can’t Get Him Out Of My Head”

15th July 20197th August 2008 by Annie Kaszina

Dear
Annie,
I have just split from a mentally abusive relationship. In fact I only
discovered that it was abusive last week. Everything you have sent (in The
Seven Things You Need To Know To Truly Heal) sounds so familiar. My ex has done and said 99% of what you
predicted. The problem is is that I am still in love with him. But I hope I can
change that. My daughter has a bond with him and he sees her regularly, we
broke up last week for the – I dont know how many times. I am nervous as I feel
she would resent me if I stopped her seeing him. With him being around the same circle of friends I’m worried it
will prove almost impossible to keep him out of my head.

Martha

“I Must Have Been Mad”

15th July 20193rd August 2008 by Annie Kaszina

It is only when we take responsibility for our own situation that we can claim the power to change it. For as long as ‘things’ happen to us, we can only react. We are at the mercy of the world outside ourselves. Saying that you must have been mad is a first step out of ‘victimhood’.

“What are the Stages of Healing from an Abusive Relationship?”

15th July 201919th July 2008 by Annie Kaszina

The stages of healing from an abusive relationship follow no particular time scale and some of them may well overlap. Expect to regress from time to time at each step along the way. That is normal, even predictable. It is also unimportant as regards the final outcome. Each stage will take you further on your journey back to health and wholeness.

“For The First Time In My Life I Feel Someone Is There For Me”

15th July 201912th July 2008 by Annie Kaszina

An abused woman will always tell you how hopeless and helpless and meaningless she is without her partner. She will tell you that she is nothing. In fact, she will be so convinced that she is a complete zero that she won’t even see and hear the reality.

“I Know I’m Being Silly But…”

15th July 20192nd July 2008 by Annie Kaszina

Blame is a great way that abusive men avoid dialogue. They avoid it because they could lose. They won’t tell you about their innermost feelings, only the hurt that you’ve caused and the faults you’ve committed. Normally when an adult woman talks about being silly, whether or not she knows it, she is using that playground language to minimize her profound feelings of distress. The kind of silliness that abused women reproach themselves for is about ‘messing up’ and feeling needy and stupid and pathetic. That kind of silliness reduces you to a powerless child trying desperately to curry favour with a cross, punitive adult.

Have You Struggled To Stay In A Bad Relationship?

15th July 201929th June 2008 by Annie Kaszina

An abuses woman engages in a superhuman struggle to stay in a bad relationship. She will even talk about ‘fighting to save the relationship’ or the man. The last thing she will ever truly consider doing is walking away. She experiences more sadness at the thought of leaving than she does about staying, whatever the cost to her of staying.

Is Sheryl Gascoigne A “Woman Who Loves Too Much”?

15th July 201925th June 2008 by Annie Kaszina

In his day Paul Gascoigne (Gazza) was widely regarded as one
of the most talented UK football players of his generation.

But it all went horribly wrong. During his short marriage he was often violent towards Sheryl,
his wife. An insider is reported to
have said: “he is still haunted by the violence. It’s what began his demise
into drink and drugs."

Now he vows that he will never be violent towards her again
and she has promised never to leave his side, but to ‘be there for him every
step along the way’ on his journey back to health from alcohol addiction.

According to Professor Richard Hammersley of Glasgow
Caledonian University:

“Sheryl has a long history with Gazza and it will
be incredibly important to him that she has decided to help him. She knows all his faults, has seen him at
his worst yet she still loves him enough to be there now. If someone is very down on themselves and
they get support from someone who has previously rejected them it can be an
enormous help.”

Lucky Gazza.

But what about Sheryl, now
deservedly being cast as the loving, selfless heroine of the piece?

What Happens When You Rewrite An Old Trauma?

15th July 201922nd June 2008 by Annie Kaszina

Abused women are more blinkered, when it comes to their strengths, qualities and resources, than any racehorse will ever be. All they ever have in their line of vision is their abusive partner pointing the finger of blame at them. Which is why we tend to gallop wearily onwards in an attempt to catch up with the abusive partner so that he will pat them and offer the odd sugar cube or carrot.
That is what you have to do for as long as you believe that it is all you can hope for.
Finally, there is a way to change that.

The Forgotten World Of Positive Emotions

15th July 201919th June 2008 by Annie Kaszina

As regular readers of this blog will know, the past few
months have been a steep
learning curve for me. (I’m still
climbing, but the terrain has become much flatter and easier.)

Happily, there was been no abusive relationship to trigger
this life crisis. The circumstances
behind it are very far removed from that. And yet observing how the old abused feelings and reactions surfaced has
been … I’d like to say ‘fascinating’, but ‘sobering’ is closer to the
mark. I’ve wept and raged, I’ve licked
my wounds, I’ve felt like a victim (wrongly but, hey, familiarity exerts a huge
pull)...CLICK HERE to continue reading

Lies Abused Women Tell Themselves

15th July 20198th June 2008 by Annie Kaszina

An abusive partner rapidly becomes the most influential person in his partner’s life. He has the power to take an abused woman to dizzy heights of happiness (although the statistical odds of this happening decrease markedly the longer the relationship limps on). He has the power to plunge her into the depths of despair, and usually does. When he does, his partner needs to explain what has happened to herself. The problems in the relationship cannot really be his. That being the case, they must be hers, mustn’t they?