When is emotional abuse NOT emotional abuse

“It may be bad but I don’t think it is emotional abuse.”
Emotional abuse is always a journey that starts somewhere at least half-way good – and then descends into hell.  You and the other person in the relationship become partners in hell – inasmuch as an awful lot of hellish feelings start to get sprayed […]

“My problem is different because…”

My problem is different because…”
“My problem is different because…” is something emotionally abused women tell me, all the time.
One woman explained, recently, that her problem was different – and quite possibly not emotional abuse…because her partner “loved her so much”.  He didn’t say the hurtful things that most emotionally abusive men say.  However, he did make her feel worthless.
Then […]

Why Shame Is Not Your Problem

Saying that “Shame is not your problem” is a bold statement. Particularly from someone like me who has spent rather a lot of her life bent double under its heavy burden  Still, it deserves to be said. Shame truly is not your problem. However it is, most likely a burden that you carry.
In reality, Shame […]

Who Really Listens To The Emotional Abuse Sufferer?

If they “don’t understand”
“I’m not sure my therapist really understands…” writes Natascia, a recovering emotionally abused woman. Unfortunately, her experience of therapy has been like that of many other emotional abuse sufferers in therapy.
At the time in her life when she is most in need of someone hearing and acknowledging her, Natascia is not getting […]

Emotional Abuse is The Opposite of Love

Emotional abuse is the opposite of love
When a reader wrote to say; “You are teaching us how to love.  Thank you.”  I was deeply touched.  Back when I started my emotional abuse recovery journey, I could not know that the healing journey is all about learning to love and be loved.  At the time, I […]

When you need someone to believe in

The relationship with a narcissist or emotional abuser is guaranteed to take you to rock bottom. By the time you decide you can’t take any more, your self-belief has been shattered into tiny pieces. Before you can rebuild, you need someone to believe in.  But where do you find that someone to believe in?  And what is […]

“I can’t be happy because of the past.”

Why leaving emotionally abusive husbands is hard
When I left my emotionally abusive husband life was hard. Needless to say, he did everything he could to make it hard.  Of course, I couldn’t know that.  All that I did know – and repeated to myself like a mantra was this, “I can’t be happy because of […]

Are You Sick and Tired of Walking on Eggshells?

Walking on eggshells is something you learn to do
Walking on eggshells is one of the things you learn to do early on in an emotionally abusive relationship. An emotionally abusive partner soon teaches you that the journey with him will always be generously strewn with eggshells. Although it may take you a while to understand […]

Top 10 Terrors of Emotionally Abused Women

Here in the UK it has NOT been a good time with 4 terrorist attacks in what seems like no time at all. That forces a person to think about the nature of terrorism. That, in turn, got me thinking about the nature, and not-so-hidden agenda of emotional abuser, narcissists and all emotional terrorists. 
The aim […]