Annie Kaszina

Almost all survivors of narcissistic abuse need to perform a total rethink about the power of words. We have been taught – mostly by people some way along the abusive spectrum – that their words are not a big deal.  They argue that we we should be able to brush them off.  (Even though this is yet another of those cases where there is one law for you and quite another for them.) Instead, you need to learn what their words say about them.

Have you ever felt invisible? In the context of your home with an abusive partner? And especially in your family of origin? if so, this post is for you.
This week, a lovely client was asking me why it was that her family of origin just didn’t seem to see her?  Even when she was physically […]

Most survivors of narcissistic abuse continue to live like they are still in the old war zone, where everything feels like a matter of life or death. You can take the narcissistic abuse survivor out of the war zone.
But you also have to take the war zone out of the survivor.

What is the most important thing that survivors of narcissistic abuse forget about? The same thing that they forgot about during the toxic relationship. Their own well-being.

Who might you not be showing the care they need?
How familiar are you with the experience of worrying deeply other people’s feelings to the point of tiptoeing around them, metaphorically speaking?  Not least because you know that something about the way that they connect with you (or don’t connect with you) feels a tad off […]

Perhaps the most prevalent coping strategy of all of us survivors of narcissistic abuse that really blights our quality of life is self-blame and self shame.
When you grow up in an environment where kindness and compassion are conspicuous only by their absence, blame and shame become the order of the day. Abusive people, especially abusive loved ones, use blame and shame both to motivate you and to demotivate you to the point of paralysis.

All Narcissists are grandiose in their own own way. They all have their exceptional hero and victim story. When it comes to you, however, the narrative changes. Mostly, they focus on your mistakes, alleged flaws and vulnerability. Some focus on your qualities. Yet even if they put you on a pedestal – especially in public – they still manage to use your qualities to make you feel unworthy. The one thing that they will never accept is your authenticity.