“Do I Really Have To End This Relationship?”

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What’s the thing that
abused women most hate doing
?

Ironically, the thing that
abused women most hate doing is finally walking away from a bad relationship.

Logic suggests that it should
be a ‘no brainer’ to walk away from someone who has made you profoundly
miserable on any number of occasions.   

Yet those of us who have been
there know all too well how absurdly difficult it feels.

The viler the man’s
behaviours, the more you obsess about his ‘potential’.   

With almost religious zeal
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What do you expect?

Recently I notice a shift within my own head as I move on
from healing from a bad relationship to thoughts of creating a good relationship
in my life.

The process so far has been interesting, entertaining,
challenging at times and quite emotionally wearing, as I test it all out in the
relationship marketplace. 

And then it struck me that I am still behaving in accordance
with an old belief that relationships are emotionally wearing.

It was precisely that belief that helped propel me into my
abusive marriage. 

All these years on, I believe I deserve better. I believe I have a right to better. Still,
at a level so deep that I hadn’t even registered it, my expectation was
still alarmingly negative. 


   

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Beware the Pedestal

The truth about pedestals is, generally, far less glorious than the fantasy. A pedestal is a piece of furniture that is used to display something – or someone – to best advantage. There is, habitually, one pedestal per relationship. An abusive man carts his around with him as a vital part of his seduction kit. That way he’s ready when he meets a woman whom he thinks might be appropriate to park on it for a while.

“Can I Trust Him To Change?”

Hi Annie

I have been together with my husband for 23 years, we have teenage 2 kids. I moved out 5 months ago because of
physical abuse that went on for 23 years. I am
in a 6mth lease to see if I want to go back to him again. The question I have
is…is it possible he can change without help?

He says he knows I am serious
and promises it will never happen again as he understands he crossed the line.
I don’t know if maybe I should see a therapist as I find myself very confused
about this, and really should it not be a simple answer if it has being going on
for 20 some years ( it takes about a year between blow ups ).

Martha

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