8 - 2008 - Annie Kaszina

One thing that we, as abused women, forget

15th July 201929th August 2008 by Annie Kaszina

In my working life I hear so many women make misguided claims for abusive men who can behave nicely on occasion. And, yes, confusing the odd loving behaviour or statement with a loving temperament is a kind of ‘sleight of mind’. It’s called persuading yourself that second best really isn’t second best. In the end, that bad decision always comes back to haunt you.

I Can’t Believe It Could Happen To Me

15th July 201923rd August 2008 by Annie Kaszina

"Hi Annie,

I have been struggling for = months to dig myself out of what feels
like a bottomless pit ofloss and despair. I feel like I have completely
taken on someone else’s definition of myself. I can’t believe something like this could happen to me. I thought I
was so strong. I still feel myself daily questioning whether I deserved it or
not. I feel like maybe I was wrong all along… that I did deserve this…
otherwise how could he be so happy now without me in his life? Isn’t the abusive
one the one who is tormented afterward because his object of control is gone?
Maybe I was the one who was abusive? Maybe all of the horrible things he said
about me are true.

I’m so lost. And so hurt. And so confused. And all I want is to love myself
again. To respect myself again. And to stop loving and missing someone who was
so very, very cruel to me.

I don’t know if you’ll ever respond to this, but I appreciate the email and
the website. I find myself googling at work… just trying to find some sense of
hope. And this helps, at least for tonight.

Thank you

G.

—

“What Should I Do About My Abusive Husband?”

15th July 201919th August 2008 by Annie Kaszina

My husband has been verbally abusive since we got married 10 years ago.
We are both in our late 60s.. Today he got angry because I didn’t look
something up on the computer. He
got angry and took the mouse away from me and held it over my head
where I couldn’t reach it. I told him about wanting to look at my email first. I said I was tired of explaining everything I had to do to him. He
drew back his fist to hit me. I told him if he hit me I’d call the
police. He grabbed both of my hands and
almost broke my right wrist. I have finger print bruises on my left
arm. He has used up all my money and made me
completely dependent on him. His abuse is
getting harder to bear and I am beginning to hate him for the abuse.
What should I do? F

“What Seeds Have You Planted Beneath The Snow?”

15th July 201911th August 2008 by Annie Kaszina

I had become aware that the fear and shame that grew out of my abusive relationship were still ‘drivers’ in my life. And I wanted to clear them.

“Can’t Get Him Out Of My Head”

15th July 20197th August 2008 by Annie Kaszina

Dear
Annie,
I have just split from a mentally abusive relationship. In fact I only
discovered that it was abusive last week. Everything you have sent (in The
Seven Things You Need To Know To Truly Heal) sounds so familiar. My ex has done and said 99% of what you
predicted. The problem is is that I am still in love with him. But I hope I can
change that. My daughter has a bond with him and he sees her regularly, we
broke up last week for the – I dont know how many times. I am nervous as I feel
she would resent me if I stopped her seeing him. With him being around the same circle of friends I’m worried it
will prove almost impossible to keep him out of my head.

Martha

“I Must Have Been Mad”

15th July 20193rd August 2008 by Annie Kaszina

It is only when we take responsibility for our own situation that we can claim the power to change it. For as long as ‘things’ happen to us, we can only react. We are at the mercy of the world outside ourselves. Saying that you must have been mad is a first step out of ‘victimhood’.