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Some Narcissists are long-stay, others not so much. Still, it always comes as a shock when the person who had vowed to love you, discards you like yesterday’s pizza box. When that happens, it is perfectly normal to end up asking yourself that most self-defeating question:
“How could they treat me that way?”
The question sucks, of […]

What do you do when you have been taught to feel that your feelings are not important? You turn all your hurt, wounded, disappointed feelings back on yourself. You blame yourself for the Narcissist’s bad treatment of you.

The self-recriminations that all survivors of narcissistic relationships are left with can prove the biggest obstacles to […]

Nobody leaves an abusive relationship without having asked themselves, endlessly whether, if they had just done more, they could have kept it alive. The answer which, of course we all know but most of us struggle to believe, is that no amount of “more” would ever have been enough. At this point most survivors ask, […]

Narcissistic abuse is incredibly unsettling. It is an experience that messes with your brain, your heart, and your feelings. It affects you at every level of your being.

This morning, I was working with a new client who was struggling to understand herself. She has just separated from her narcissistic husband. He is now cycling through […]

Today I want to share with you a brief story that illustrates exactly why your relationship with a Narcissist was always doomed – and why it took you longer to realise it than you would have liked.
My client D. is a bright, witty, cosmopolitan woman. Born and brought up under an oppressive regime in a […]

Why knowing the worst about someone doesn’t stop you believing the best
Today, I want to talk with you about what goes on in a Narcissist’s head.  In my experience, that represents a huge stumbling block for all victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse. It is as if they feel they cannot move beyond the narcissist […]

This week, several of my individual clients all presented with the same kind of problem. While the specific circumstances differed from person to person, the common theme was that – despite knowing better and wanting to do better – they found themselves neglecting their own best interest.
As they described it, it felt almost like an […]

“How do I stop myself from feeling bad?” my client asked. When we started working together, a few weeks earlier, she had been thinking non-stop about her ex. Was he really a Narcissist, or was she the Narcissist? Was everything her fault for not trying harder? Was she making a big mistake?
In fact, she was […]

This week, I am wondering how much invisibility has affected your life. I guess the reason for asking is that the week has offered me a couple of unexpected wake-up calls that made me think just how big a part invisibility plays in the mosaic of abuse.
When you stop to think about it, someone who […]

All survivors of narcissistic abuse emerge feeling shell-shocked, diminished  and deeply traumatized. Some resolve to rush headlong into the next relationship to exorcise the experience. Others decide that the only way to protect themselves in the future is to steer clear of love and intimate relationships forever after.
Both of these choices are, essentially, coping strategies. […]