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When a Toxic Ex Faces a Life Crisis, What Do You Do

Detaching emotionally from a toxic, abusive person that you have loved deeply is never easy….

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What makes you so hard on yourself?

This week, I want to tell you about a lovely client, let’s call her Jan….

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You Are Not Broken But Blinded

Have you ever felt broken as a result of narcissistic and emotional abuse? If you…

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Do you worry about being the toxic one?

Have you ever worried about being the toxic one in your relationship? Did this happen because you…

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14 Ways that Abuse Affects the Way that You Show Up in the World

Have you ever thought that abuse has affected the way that you show up in…

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The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.

GET THE 5 SIMPLE STEPS

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Just existing around a toxic person requires you t

Just existing around a toxic person requires you to exercise a significant degree of denial. You tell yourself that, “It’s not that bad...” when “it” is, actually, hellish.

But if you stay in it, it can’t be that bad. And if it isn’t really “that bad”, that justifies you staying in it. Allegedly.
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And so you stay and absorb all kinds of damaging beliefs about how the world works, how you work and how relationships work.

And the price of staying is the destruction of your self-esteem. But still you stay and tell yourself, “It’s not so bad. It could get better. Nobody’s relationship is perfect”, denying what your gut keeps telling you. That was once my life. Was it ever yours, too? Please share to help move someone on from wasting more time in denial.

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#narcissist
#heartless
#abuse
#toxic
#toxicrelationships
#nextchapter
#walkaway
#narcissism
#toxicpeople
#domesticviolence
#selfish
#narcissisticabuse
#anniekaszina
#lettinggo
#chooseyou
#narcissisticabusesurvivor
#dysfunctional
#youareworthy
#domesticabuse
#traumarecovery
#liar
#putyourselffirst
#healthyboundaries
#lying
#youmatter
#selflovefirst.
#disrespectful
#denial
#boundaries
#selfloveisthebestlove

If this happened to you, please understand, this i

If this happened to you, please understand, this is NOT a criticism. Nobody taught you how predators behave, you didn't know what to look for and you had your own good reasons for wanting to believe the best of people.

That is all honorable stuff.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Nothing prepared you for the onslaught of a Narcissist. That is what they were banking on.

That is why they ran their own checks to see what you would misunderstand, tolerate, and take on trust. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Sadly, it happened. You paid a heavy price that you should never have been called upon to pay. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Now, what matters, is learning the lessons. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Clients have sometimes said to me, "But I don't want to have to be calculating" - meaning they don’t want to have to be assessing what kind of people they are dealing with and putting boundaries in place.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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You will never be calculating.

However, you do need to be vigilant.

Think of it like locking your car when you leave it. The narrative is not that everyone is always out to steal your car. But it could happen and it would be a pain. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

You have to be vigilant enough to protect yourself from people who will rob you of your self-worth, identity, assets, friends and family, good name etc.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

You have to know how to create robust boundaries to keep yourself safe. That is something that I teach in depth in my Breaking Old Patterns Toolkit. Find out more from the link in my bio. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Turn on POST NOTIFICATIONS so as not to miss a post from me.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Don't forget to LIKE, COMMENT and SHARE your thoughs.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Turn on POST NOTIFICATIONS so as not to miss a post from me.
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Don’t forget to LIKE, SHARE and leave a COMMENT.
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#narcissist
#heartless
#abuse
#toxic
#toxicrelationships
#nextchapter
#walkaway
#narcissism
#toxicpeople
#domesticviolence
#selfish
#narcissisticabuse
#anniekaszina
#lettinggo
#chooseyou
#narcissisticabusesurvivor
#dysfunctional
#youareworthy
#domesticabuse
#traumarecovery
#liar
#putyourselffirst
#healthyboundaries
#lying
#youmatter
#selflovefirst.
#disrespectful
#denial
#boundaries
#selfloveisthebestlove

Feelings of worthlessness start somewhere. For mos

Feelings of worthlessness start somewhere. For most of us, they start in childhood with parents or other carers or loved ones who are either overtly abusive or absent and neglectful.

That lack of emotional nurture has long-term consequences - most notably the probability of ending up in a toxic “intimate” relationship.

That does not have to be a life sentence. It is simply what happens until you becoming aware of your old patterning.

You were always good enough. Only you didn’t know it and you weren’t made to feel it.

If your need to break old patterns of feeling worthless and tolerating bad treatment in order to earn love, my Breaking Old Patterns Toolkit could be just what you need. Find out how it can help you to recognise and break old patterns and do all your relationships differently going forward, by following the link in my bio.

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#narcissist
#heartless
#abuse
#toxic
#toxicrelationships
#nextchapter
#walkaway
#narcissism
#toxicpeople
#domesticviolence
#neglected
#narcissisticabuse
#anniekaszina
#lettinggo
#chooseyou
#narcissisticabusesurvivor
#dysfunctional
#goodenough
#domesticabuse
#traumarecovery
#liar
#putyourselffirst
#healthyboundaries
#lying
#youmatter
#selflovefirst.
#disrespectful
#selfawareness
#boundaries
#selfloveisthebestlove

If you are a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you h

If you are a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you have learned to worry. A LOT.

Worrying is like taking a wild guess at weather prediction - in an area as meteorologically challenged as the UK.

Once upon a time, in places like the UK, we need to walk around with our umbrellas surgically attached to our wrists because you couldn’t predict accurately what would happen.

Happily, that has changed.

Worry is a primitive tool. What it really says is, “Let’s stress ourselves out playing out worst case scenarios just in case we are faced with them later.” 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Does worry help you prepare?

No.

Does it improve the quality of your life?

No.

Does it help you find solutions?

No, because you are too busy worrying.

Does it empower you?

Absolutely not. Because you are focusing on a metaphorical downpour of misery landing on your defenceless head.

Focus on your own resourcefulness instead of what might happen.

You can get through hard things - not to mention the fact that quite a lot of things may not be nearly as hard as you think.

Or that the rewards for doing the thing that frightened you could be far greater than you could ever imagine. Please share to help someone see their worry pattern for what it is - a pointless, draining stress-generating pattern.

And if you need help breaking your old patterns of worry. powerlessness etc around toxic people check out my Breaking Old Patterns Toolkit. The link is in my bio. Repost from @lisamessenger

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#narcissist
#heartless
#abuse
#toxic
#toxicrelationships
#nextchapter
#walkaway
#narcissism
#toxicpeople
#domesticviolence
#anxietyawareness
#narcissisticabuse
#anniekaszina
#lettinggo
#chooseyou
#narcissisticabusesurvivor
#dysfunctional
#worry
#domesticabuse
#traumarecovery
#liar
#putyourselffirst
#healthyboundaries
#lying
#youmatter
#selflovefirst.
#stressedout
#worrying
#boundaries
#selfloveisthebestlove

“My” Narcissist had a talent for saying - and

“My” Narcissist had a talent for saying - and doing - vile things. But he still reserved the right to be quite nice to be around. Occasionally.

Like a lot of other partners of abusers, I ended up “making sense” of his behavior in my own - preferred - way.

So, l decided that the vile things that he said and did weren’t really true 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️😕but the nice things were.

Hopium addiction addled my brain so badly that I didn’t even think that, if he could lie through his teeth about the bad stuff, he could lie through his teeth about the good stuff, also.

Liars lie.

Narcissists lie about ANYTHING either because it serves an immediate practical purpose or just for the hell of it. Please share to help someone who is still wondering why their Narcissist said this or that. .
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Be sure to turn on POST NOTIFICATIONS so that you don’t miss out on seeing posts from me. .

Don’t forget to LIKE, COMMENT and SHARE your thoughts.
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#narcissist
#heartless
#abuse
#toxic
#toxicrelationships
#nextchapter
#walkaway
#narcissism
#toxicpeople
#domesticviolence
#selfish
#narcissisticabuse
#anniekaszina
#lettinggo
#chooseyou
#narcissisticabusesurvivor
#dysfunctional
#youareworthy
#domesticabuse
#traumarecovery
#liar
#putyourselffirst
#healthyboundaries
#lying
#youmatter
#selflovefirst.
#disrespectful
#denial
#boundaries
#selfloveisthebestlove

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