Uncategorised

The client I was speaking with was struggling with the injustice of being demonized by her narcissistic, fast becoming ex-partner. He is just cycling through his narcissistic end-game routines. Having performed “I’m leaving you FOREVER” to mediocre response, he transitioned – after due consideration of his finances and creature comforts –  into realising just how […]

This week, I had the pleasure of talking about boundaries with a very special group of emotional abuse survivors. All of them have come a long, LONG way on their healing journey. Yet, just like every other survivor, they still sometimes feel that they are on shaky ground when it comes to boundaries.
Why?
As one of […]

Anyone who has ever come out of an abusive relationship has faced the unnecessarily cruel question, “Well, why did you stay so long?” The answer to that is, of course, a complicated tangle of reasons, many of which we cannot even formulate – including this one:  “Because I honestly couldn’t be sure that the relationship […]

You learn to be afraid of anger from toxic people who use anger to abuse and control. But anger does not have to be used abusively.

As someone who has been abused by loved ones who should have known better – and cared more – apologies are probably deeply important to you, as they are to me. Being ill-treated is already bad enough. But being ill-treated and then, effectively, abused all over again by the absence of a sincere apology is […]

Have you ever noticed how, just when you think you have resolved an emotional block – or, at least, clambered over it in more or less ungainly fashion – Life throws a more “advanced” version of the same issue at you?
That is what happened to me this week.
The common thread of “niceness”
It was one of […]

This week, I had one of those realizations that shock a person to the core. I was reminded that old programming and patterns of behavior really do die hard. They can resurface – unbidden – when you least expect it. For me, this has been one of those weeks.
An incident not too trivial to […]

What drew a narcissistic abuser to you in the first place? According to the people spouting a pseudo-“positive” message of responsibility it was something that you did wrong.
As if you didn’t already have enough to cope with without that!
Not only do you have to rebuild your life from rock bottom but you have people telling […]

What could possibly be more romantic than the partner who comes along at a time when your life is at an all-time low, sweeps you up in his strong arms and transports you to a better, happier place?
Fairy tales, chick lit and romantic movies have led young girls and women to see the rescuer as […]

How much attention do you give to the patterns and themes that show up in your own life over the short and long term?
In my work especially, I am always looking for patterns and themes. Patterns and themes enable you to see beyond the single instance to the wounds and beliefs that underlie it. This […]