The sexuality of abusive men is perverted. They use – or withhold – sex for control, not love. They ‘relate’ to their partner in a damaging way. That is a feature of the breed. I am very happy to generalize about abusive men; because they are, ultimately, eerily like clones. They all share the same loathing for women. They all abuse their partners in very similar ways.
One thing that we all know – to our cost – is that abusive men are very attached to their abusive programming. In fact, the thing that makes them so toxic is that they are more attached to their abusive programming than they are to their partner.
My abusive husband, now we’ve been separated for 3 months, has changed from being physically aggressive to emotionally abusive to sickly sweet. He is trying to prove to me and all our friends that he has changed and is capable of talking nicely and not get angry.
I remember Oprah talking about a difficult situation. She asked, “What is the lesson here, let me learn it quick so I can move on.” What about you? Have you asked the Universe for the lesson? Try journaling by using both hands. With your dominant hand ask, “What is the lesson?” and with your non-dominant hand, write the answer.
If your partner is “only” extremely thoughtless, and insensitive, do you think that makes the relationship viable?
Hello Annie,
Why do I have "the fear of letting go" of the
relationship? I have stopped all contact with my abuser, however I still let
him leave messages on my cell phone. I do not return the calls, but I'm afraid
to just cut him off. I'm afraid of not knowing what is on his mind, what his
emotions are […]
You don’t need to think about dating, to start to upgrade the view you have of yourself. Amy Spencer provides you with some great tools to discover how fantastic you really are. Your abusive partner had a vested interest in turning you into the shadow of a person. That is what it takes for him to feel worthwhile and important. But you don’t have to go there.
Humility and selflessness are precious gifts to bring to a relationship. They are also gifts that have to be earned; gifts that are only to be bestowed on people who have proved that they are worthy of them. Your abusive partner proved, time and time again, that he was not worthy of the gifts you brought to the relationship. Yet, you continued to lavish them on him. And, in his hands, they turned to dross. (But then, most things turned to dross in his hands.)
In an abusive relationship, you disappear from your own map of the world. You only have to listen to an abused woman. You only have to listen to yourself. You have your list of priorities: your partner, your children, your pet… And then nothing… Look down far enough and you will eventually find yourself, at the very bottom of the heap: the Woman Who Believed She Didn’t Matter.
How do you identify the signs of emotional abuse? When you are in it, it’s almost impossible to do so. Because being in an emotionally abusive relationship is like being in a maze: all you can do is go up different paths, which almost always turn out to be dead ends. You lack on overview; not least because your abusive partner is intent on closing down your horizons, and creating a kind of tunnel vision in which all you see is him. So, the first sign of emotional abuse is the obsessive way that you focus on your partner. There are at least thirteen other key signs.
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
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