The unconscious mind doesn’t hear negatives. So each time a woman says: “I don’t want to keep going over the same ground”, what her unconscious mind hears is: “I want to keep going over the same ground”. The unconscious mind is not a dumping ground where you offload garbage. Instead, it is a somewhat literal genie totally committed to giving you exactly what it hears you ask for.
It’s ok to feel what you’re feeling. It’s normal. The fact that you are berating yourself for still being in the relationship actually means that you are growing your wings and preparing for flight.
In order for an abusive man to feel good about himself, someone else needs to be made to feel bad. In most cases that someone else is going to be you.
If I had a dollar for every time a woman has told me that she can’t leave a man who humiliates and beats her because once upon a time he used to apologize and cry, I’d have a small mountain of dollars sitting on my desk.
The pace of recovery is way too slow at the start. Besides, you feel too weary to work through the process; you just want to hurtle through the recovery tunnel, like some kind of emotional time traveller, and arrive instantly at the other end. Healed. Whole. Of course it doesn’t happen.
Emotional abuse leaves you feeling like a bottomless pit. You attempt to fill that pit with whatever wisdom, support and information you can garner. And the pit still seems bottomless. Everything seems to disappear into it. Until one day you reach critical mass
There is a cosy belief that lingers that once a woman is no longer subjected to domestic violence the problem is over. Finished. History. Abused women suffer from our very own brand of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) without knowing what it is or if they will ever recover from it. How could they, when they don’t even recognize that that is what has happened to them?
A lot of women who have found themselves in abusive relationships believe the are not part of the major group. It may be because we are bright, or middle class, or feisty, or financially independent or, you choose…
Healing your heart and getting over an abusive man is really very much easier than it seems.
f I had a dollar for every woman who has ever written to me saying: “I didn’t know you’d been living with my husband/partner”, it would be a nice little earner – sadly. Sure, everyone is different. But abusive relationships are all much of a muchness. There comes a time, usually fairly early on in the relationship, when you get that sinking feeling in your stomach and you think: “This is really wrong. I should walk.” But then you don’t. Many women wait to leave until they know they are at rock bottom. But rock bottom is a moving target. Just when you think you must have reached it in an abusive relationship things get even worse.
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
Want daily reassurance and inspiration? Sign up to my Instagram account. @dr_anniephd
