Blog
Kissing Frogs
None of us can be good at everything. Women who find themselves in abusive relationships are, in all probability, not good at men and all the stuff around falling in love.
When it results in an abusive relationship it is, obviously, very damaging. But it tends to happen when we haven’t yet recognised, or owned, our limitations around choosing men.
Once we do, we have the power to rectify the problem.
Verbal Abuse Is Never About You
Negative feelings are invisible and intangible so their power cannot be proved. In fact, the sole proof of their existence lies in our response to them; which is, of course, the only thing that we have the power to change. Because we have the power to choose our reaction.
The Recovery Cocktail
I don’t know where most of you are on your journey to wholeness and self-worth. I do know, from my own experience, that recovery is a cocktail that you mix for yourself. The basic ingredients remain constant. The rest are a ‘mix and match’ selection that you add yourself.
“You Can’t Always Get What You Want”
Once you start to realize that you can always get a lot of what you want – if you only ask in the right place – you’ll begin to want more and ask for more. So your vision will expand and when your vision expands your life will also.
It’s Not Just Other People Who
Whenever I talk to abused women I invariably hear two versions of who they are. There is the negative one, which has become as familiar, as much a part of them, as an old smelly trainer. And there is the realistic one; the account of their qualities that they recite, but don’t dare to internalize and believe.
10 Things They Don’t Tell You About Mental Abuse
‘They’ never told you, because they didn’t know. It is the degree of widespread ignorance in our society about mental abuse that allows it to go on happening. Not only do they not know, but they don’t have an inkling that they don’t know.
Only Ask… And You Will Find Out What He Actually Means
F. was understandably devastated by the breakdown of her relationship. She also felt incredibly foolish. In fact, she had never been stupid, or blind. She had not seen and had not known what made her partner a bad choice, because she had not been taught what to look for.
One Fat Lady
When you think about it, shame, self-flagellation and self-loathing burn up vast quantities of emotional energy utterly pointlessly. You might as well go outside and stand staring at your car – or for that matter anybody else’s car – and say: “Well, start then.” Willing it to start without starting the motor is not going to achieve the desired effect. Although it could leave you feeling seriously helpless and hopeless, if you had mistakenly believed that it might.
“Victors learn”
Victims blame, while victors learn that, irrespective of what has already happened, they can have the same rights, hopes and dreams as other people. They learn the tricks and techniques that will enable them not to be paralysed by negativity, by their membership of the Ahbutt clan – and who hasn’t been an honorary member of the “Ah but…” or “yes, but” clan at some low point in their life?
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
