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One simple way that a Narcissist hoovers you back into the relationship
Have you ever been hoovered back into a relationship with a Narcissist when you knew the relationship needed to end? If so, you probably woke up days, or weeks later, wondering “What was I thinking?” when you need to know how to protect yourself.
Servicing your emotional distress takes a lot out of you
Being in a relationship with a Narcissist means that you are constantly in their line of fire. Even when they are “nice” – by narcissistic standards – you can never relax. You know that it is only a matter of time before the other shoe drops. So, you learn to be hypervigilant.
What is your one decisive deal-breaker moment?
When a narcissistic relationship ends, the person who has suffered all the abuse is not in their most resourceful mind. The victim has been subjected (by the Narcissist) to so much blame and so many (ludicrous) accusations of being the Narcissist that she gets everything back to front. All the victim’s compassion goes out to the narcissistic abuser. All her condemnation seems to fall back onto herself.
You find you are blaming yourself for provoking their toxic behaviour – when you did no such thing – and seeing getting back with them as a return to paradise.
So, how do you prevent that from happening?
What makes the way other people judge you so important?
For survivors of narcissistic abuse, how other people are likely to judge us can be a huge issue. When you think about it, this hardly surprising. Narcissists make an art from out of weaponizing their judgement with a view to keeping you under their control.
The problem is that that old pattern of living in terror of how other people will judge you doesn’t just go away when you leave a Narcissist.
Narcissists say one thing but their tells show you another
Narcissists do things that remind you how little you matter to them all the time. They do that even when their narrative tells you something completely different. They can tell you how much they love you even while they show you how untrue that is. Or else, they can tell you and show you how little they care but still leave you in magnificent, world-class denial searching for the goodness that you know is locked deep inside them.
Is the desire to communicate always a good thing?
How important for you is the desire – even the need – to communicate? I am guessing it must be pretty important otherwise you probably wouldn’t be reading this now. Because I am someone who uses a lot of words – carefully chosen words, I’d like to think – to get my thoughts and ideas across.
Who Can You Trust After A Narcissistic Relationship?
Has a narcissistic relationship left you with trust issues? If so, you are by no means the only one – even though it might feel that way.
In reality, the issue of trust looms large. for anyone who has ever been in relationship with a Narcissist. The reason for this is simple – longer you stay […]
One thing that could help you to feel better about yourself in 2022
A New Year is traditionally the time for new Resolutions and a new start. It’s a time when we (try to) motivate ourselves to do things that we likely need to do and have an impressive number of ways to avoid in the old year.
I am not a great fan of New Year’s Resolutions. In […]
Two Ways That You Could Be Kinder to Yourself this Christmas
Two Ways that You Could Be Kinder to Yourself this Christmas
Are you actually the kind of person who is kind to yourself at Christmas? Or throughout the year? Or are you the kind of person who prioritises being kind to other people and derives joy, above all, from seeing them happy?
If you are like most […]
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
