Is it time for you to leave your emotionally abusive partner?

07 Jan 2014

Alarm_jumps_2How bad does it have to get, before you finally give up on an emotionally abusive relationship?  

Many emotionally abused women do everything they can to stay in denial until they know they are at rock bottom. But rock bottom is a moving target. When you’re with an emotionally abusive partner, just when you think you must have reached rock bottom, things get even worse.

Everyone is different.  But emotionally abusive relationships are all much of a muchness. 

For an emotionally abused woman, disenchantment first raises its ugly head, early on.  Something happens that gives you a sinking feeling in your stomach and you think: “This is really wrong. I should walk.” 

But you don’t.

Instead, you make excuses for your emotionally abusive husband. You tell yourself: “It was a blip. He didn’t mean it. I must have provoked him. He was tired/stressed/drunk.” 

The excuses don’t even have to be terribly good. You want to believe them, so you do; because, at the start, your emotionally abusive partner charmed you, and you want to believe that the charming, loving persona is the real him. 

You have to ask yourself: is your partner the person you once saw sporting his best behaviours in order to impress?  Or is he the person you see on a regular basis who has stopped trying to impress, and, instead, states his demands and criticisms as bluntly, and even brutally, as he chooses?

How do you know when it’s time to give up on the fantasy?

If you want a multiple choice it could be any of the following:

excusessmalla) Your safety is at risk

b) Your children’s physical safety, or emotional well-being, is at risk

c)  Your life has ceased to feel worth living

d)  You’re coming to the very end of your strength

e)  You tell yourself you’re so unlovable that you’re lucky to have him

g)  Your friends and family are heartily sick of you making excuses for him

h)  You feel isolated, and powerless

The truth is there are many times to give up on the fantasy and leave. Most emotionally abused women miss a lot of them before they finally go. They wait until they have exhausted the very last atom of hope before they eventually give up on their emotionally abusive relationship. They still try to nurse it back to health when it is in its coffin and decomposing.

So when would be a good time to call time on the relationship?

Again a multiple choice: it’s time to leave when you realize

a) Everything degenerates into the same old fight that never gets resolved

b) You feel miserable, frightened and anxious most of the time

c) Whatever happens it’s always your fault

d) He repeatedly violates the trust you had in him

e) You’re constantly asking yourself whether you should stay or leave

f) All the joy has gone out of the relationship

g) He is physically or emotionally intimidating

h) You’ve lost sight of yourself as a valuable human being

noreasontostaysmallAny time is a good time to walk away from an emotionally abusive relationship. The sooner the better, in fact. The more time you spend in that toxic relationship, the smaller your chances of being eligible for The Miracle.   The steps to walking away and moving on are simple. 

  • You admit to yourself that the relationship is damaging to you.
  • You organize the safest exit you possibly can for yourself and your children, if you have children.
  • You refuse to get sucked into the abject apologies and ‘can’t we try again’, the sudden declarations of love and need.
  • You learn how to undo the emotionally abusive programming that has played such havoc with your identity and self-worth
  • You embark on an appropriate recovery programme that teach how you to rebuild your sense of self, recover your zest for life, and reclaim the confidence to make your
  • You stop criticizing yourself at every turn and start encouraging yourself, even for the smallest things.
  • You discover how to forgive yourself
  • You learn the simple mind-set shift that will guarantee your future happiness. 

That’s it. That’s all you need to know.  When you go about it in the right way, your recovery will be fool-proof.


Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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