What are you not seeing?

22 Jan 2013

What are you not seeing? Have you ever had the feeling you must be missing something that was staring you in the face?  

When you think about it, you must have done, mustn’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to be so, er …  blind to the shortcomings of an emotionally abusive man.  

We don’t see what we don’t see. Sometimes that can cost us dear.  

A little while back, I decided it was time to sell my house and move county. So, I put my lovely house on the market, and nobody wanted to know. Sure, there is a recession on here, but houses are still selling.  

The real estate agent had just one strategy: drop the value. 

And if that doesn’t work?” I asked him.  

Just keep dropping it”, he replied.  

What does he care, after all? A commission in the hand, even if it’s a bit lower, is worth having, right?  

That didn’t sit well with me.  So, I called in a couple of home-stagers. 

The first, a man, parked his butt on my couch, and suggested I give him a nice, big, 5 figure budget to trash everything I have, and amuse himself.  He did that without even moving out of the living room to take a look at the rest of the house.  (I guess it’s only right that the people with X-ray vision charge more…) 

The second was the amazing Gwendoline (New Eyes) Alderton, who first listened –isn’t it great when people really listen, so they know what you want to achieve? – and then thought how she could help me display all that’s best amount my house to it’s greatest advantage. Instead of making me feel hopeless, her focus was on making the very most of what I already have.  

Long story short, Gwendoline has made subtle changes, identified what wasn’t working for me and dealt with it, and given the house a whole new lease of life.  The next result is that I’ve fallen in love with my house all over again. For the first time, I fully see how pretty it is, and how much it has to offer. Gwendoline has seen – much better than I ever could – what the house’s strengths are, and how to pull them together to create something that will really appeal to other people.  That’s what she does. Her loving make-over makes the house feel so much more immediately attractive and appealing..  

I’ll admit I felt a bit humiliated because I couldn’t do that for myself. The way Gwendoline put it was very heartening. She said: “you shouldn’t expect to be able to do everything well yourself. Nobody can be an expert at everything. That’s the whole point of employing aspecialist. If you’re interested in getting the right result, that’s got to be your best bet.” 

I’d always thought that home-stagers weren”t for ‘people like me’ and couldn’t do much for my situation. It’s been a valuable reality check.  I can already see that working with Gwendoline has saved me time, effort and a ton of wasted money.Too much ‘self-reliance’ was actually just me slipping back into the old emotionally abused default position’ of “I’ll get by on my own, somehow. Nobody can help me, so I won’t even reach out for the help I could do with.”  

Isn’t it funny how often that old reflex shoots us in the foot?  

Don’t let it shoot you in the foot any more. When you know that you’re struggling, the right expert help really will make all the difference. And remember, however frightening change may look, how much more frightening would it be to live the rest of your life if things stayed stuck in the negative groove they’re in now?  

If you’re feeling stuck, be sure to get the new eyes you need on the case. 





Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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