Recover From Emotional Abuse>Emotional Abuse

“How Long Will You Settle For Crumbs?”

There’s a distinction here between what we may say we expect and what we truly feel we are entitled to. Abused women feel they are entitled to so very little. They settle for crumbs from the banquet of life. Quite possibly because they don’t believe that there is a banquet of life.
An abused woman who is still emotionally enmeshed with her partner will always say that (in between smashing her self-esteem to pieces) he offers her the best thing she has ever had.

“Your future is not in the past”

The abused mind-set is the state in which your past is always in your future, the state in which you can see no future because all you see is more of that past ahead of you. Or at least, as life starts to move on, in the eye of your mind you constantly see those old scenarios ahead of you. You expect those old scenarios to be revisited on you.

“Do I Really Have To End This Relationship?”

When push comes to shove and you are confronted with the likelihood of your ‘relationship’ finally ending, you start doing some very strange maths. Every kind word or thoughtful gesture is worth, say, 1,000 SUDs (Subjective Units of Distress – an EFT term, but one that fits neatly here). Every cruel word or behaviour is worth, maybe, 1 SUD

What do you expect?

Abused women speak constantly of what they are not, not what they are. They speak of their past projected onto the future. They are stuck with a picture of themselves at their lowest possible ebb that they graft onto the unknown future.

“Can I Trust Him To Change?”

If he can change now- and change without outside help, why couldn’t he do so before? What’s changed – apart from the fact that you have moved out? Of course he will tell you that he now understands how much he loves and needs you. And where, precisely, does he put the ‘line’ that he now understands that he crossed? What does he feel is acceptable and unacceptable? What will he do if he feels you have done something wrong? Unless he has a very clear and specific game-plan as to how he will manage his reactions to safeguard you – which I doubt – assume he is not capable of delivering.

I Can’t Believe It Could Happen To Me

I can’t believe something like this could happen to me. I thought I was so strong. I still feel myself daily questioning whether I deserved it or not. I feel like maybe I was wrong all along… that I did deserve this… otherwise how could he be so happy now without me in his life? Isn’t the abusive one the one who is tormented afterward because his object of control is gone? Maybe I was the one who was abusive? Maybe all of the horrible things he said about me are true.

“What Should I Do About My Abusive Husband?”

My husband has been verbally abusive since we got married 10 years ago. His abuse is getting harder to bear and I am beginning to hate him for the abuse. What should I do?

“What Seeds Have You Planted Beneath The Snow?”

I had become aware that the fear and shame that grew out of my abusive relationship were still ‘drivers’ in my life. And I wanted to clear them.

“Can’t Get Him Out Of My Head”

As regards you still being in love with him and unable to get him out of your head, yes, I hear that. I hear it all the time from women in your situation. What it is really about is you desperately wanting to feel loved, needed and validated. Somehow you need his love right now – or you think you do – to feel any love for yourself.
Sorry to tell you, but that really isn’t healthy.
Better news is that it passes.

“I Must Have Been Mad”

It is only when we take responsibility for our own situation that we can claim the power to change it. For as long as ‘things’ happen to us, we can only react. We are at the mercy of the world outside ourselves. Saying that you must have been mad is a first step out of ‘victimhood’.

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Recover From Emotional Abuse>Emotional Abuse

“How Long Will You Settle For Crumbs?”

“Your future is not in the past”

“Do I Really Have To End This Relationship?”

What do you expect?

“Can I Trust Him To Change?”

I Can’t Believe It Could Happen To Me

“What Should I Do About My Abusive Husband?”

“What Seeds Have You Planted Beneath The Snow?”

“Can’t Get Him Out Of My Head”

“I Must Have Been Mad”

The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

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