Self-respect is a curious thing; you lose it from the outside. It drains away through the constant punctures that an abusive partner makes in your self-worth. Hence you may well get stuck in the trap of believing it will only be restored to you from the outside, when this is not the case. Even if people do try to instil some sense of self-respect in you, it will only drain out of the existing holes.
Self-respect can only be restored from the inside.
Abused women hear and retain every single negative comment that an abusive partner ever makes about them. They also register every negative comment from every other source with any access to them. They have been taught to believe the worst about themselves. They have learned, by bitter experience, that only bad things happen to women in abusive relationships.
You ladies out there who still believe that you will always love him, trust me on this, YOU WILL NOT. You are not Whitney Houston! You will not always love him, not least because you probably don’t actually love him now. We both know he’s not worth it. You can try as you may to see the potential in him that might make him worth it, he’ll keep on showing you the dark side that is not worth another minute of your precious life.
a href="http://lifemadesimple.typepad.com/abusednomore/annie-kaszina-answers-you.html">Download annie-kaszina-answers-you.html (11.3K)</a>“Do they do it deliberately?”
A woman wrote to me this week, saying she could not her
abusive ex-partner out of her head. Specifically, she had a couple of questions for me:
“1. Are abusers aware of what they are doing? Is
it a behaviour that will continue
in their next relationship ?
2.
in an […]
When other people say, “move on”, they often mean something along the lines of: “Your present state makes me feel uncomfortable. Please put yourself out of my misery.” When people advise you to “move on” it is generally an empty phrase. Women who are already feeling broken and hollow pick up on the emptiness of the words and assume that moving on is way beyond anything they are capable of attempting.
I am reminded of the quotation that there are no weaknesses only overdone strengths. Abused women overdo generosity, selflessness, devotion, trust and faith to name but a few.
Leaving an abusive man is never easy. Women are most at risk when the relationship breaks down.
It’s easy to see why you could argue that throwing an abusive man the sop of friendship might keep his anger in check. Naturally, he hates being ignored. But it remains the safest course of action.
When you are consumed with hurt and rage hatred may feel like a more constructive outlet than love. The downside is, of course, that you remain just as focused, even fixated, on the person as you were before. So how, you might ask, do you arrive at indifference?
So here is the truth that I wish I had know when I started out on the road back to wholeness. When we embark on our own healing journey, we do so not just for ourselves but for future generations.
Never underestimate the abusive intelligence. It is geared to break your spirit and your dreams. An abuser carefully programs into you the belief that you cannot have the things that are available to others – except through him. We all know that script. Reduced to its essence it goes essentially: ‘without me, you will be an outcast. You’ll eke out a wretched existence in a cave somewhere, coated in mud, dressed in rags, scratching around in the dry earth for roots to eat.”
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
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