Why we go on a healing journey

19 May 2007

It struck me recently that when women try to leave an abusive
relationship, they are attempting to move away from something they know
to be toxic. Yet they have little idea
of what they are moving towards. They
see no positive life enhancing vista ahead of them and so the struggle feels
almost superhuman. 

If someone had told me that I was on a healing journey I
would have found it immensely helpful. If someone had told me that I could undertake

 a healing journey and it
would benefit not just me but my friends and my daughter especially, it would
have given me faith and courage that were in pitifully short supply at the

In recent weeks I’ve been working with a woman who has
been on a healing journey from abuse whose daughter took up with an abusive

Many abused women are very nurturing and this young woman
is no exception. Her partner was young,
needy and, in his way, quite endearing. His ‘potential’ shone through clearly. Initially, he did ‘the worship
the ground she walks on’ number, that old trade off that goes: “if I act like
the sun shines out of your ears for a few weeks, then you’ll treat me as if the
sun shines out of my ears for the longest time”. 

The young woman had watched and learned from her mother’s
journey and still she got sucked in. 

But here’s the thing; she was only sucked in for a few
months. The relationship started
turning sour. Still, making the
decision to leave him almost broke her heart, but she got out fast. And she discovered that her heart was

Anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship wishes
all other women to be spared that misery. 

Her mother’s healing journey spared that girl countless
months and years of humiliation and misery.

So here is the truth that I wish I had know when I started
out on the road back to wholeness. When
we embark on our own healing journey, we do so not just for ourselves but for
future generations. Because the
benefits go down through the generations. 

Our journey and our example serve to spare our friends and
our children, so that they learn swiftly and relatively painlessly. They, in turn, can pass on that learning to
the important people in their lives. And so it goes on through the generations. 

Can there be any more compelling reason to turn your back
on an abusive relationship?


Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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