As a child, I used to love maze games. As far as I could tell, I was pretty good at them – at least, I solved them fast enough. Only later on did I learn that I have a hopeless sense of direction and I don’t do too well with real world mazes. Not to mention emotional mazes.
Emotional abuse is not unlike a maze that a person has to find their way through.
Except, just to make it that little bit harder, before you enter that maze, the abuser blindfolds you and then spins you around enough times to completely disorient you. They then leave you to get on with it all by yourself – apart from shouting unhelpful information to you, from time to time.
Getting out of the maze of abuse is really hard.
No matter how motivated you may be, there are so many twists and turns along the way and so many blind alleys that you can end up going down.
And even when you are out of the abuse, the abuse is not necessarily out of you.
It can show up for years – and even decades later – and color the way that you respond to situations.
One of the most common enduring characteristics of abuse is the fear of annoying, upsetting or being judged by people.
It stems from that old, childhood pattern of feeling powerless in the face of a hostile, judgmental adult.
That one trips up so many survivors.
The Gruesome Twosome
It leads to the Fear of Making Mistakes and can result in perfectionism. That gruesome twosome makes it incredibly hard to show up as your authentic self.
How can you risk showing up as your authentic self if you are constantly live in fear of about saying The Wrong Thing – and being judged accordingly?
How do you stop losing your way in that maze?
When I left my horrible husband that was a problem that I certainly struggled with. My clients do, too.
The work-around that most people find is either being defensive or people-pleasing – or else a mixture of the two.
It all gets terribly tiring because, instead of just doing and saying what you need to do and say, you have to analyse EVERYTHING.
You can easily end up losing yourself in the maze of bad feelings, feeling absolutely DRAINED.
Feeling drained is inevitable when you are stuck in the emotional maze.
Being stuck in the maze means that it requires an enormous, exhausting amount of multi-tasking in order to work out how to behave in even a fairly unremarkable situation.
Little things, like unimportant conversations with people, can easily become big things. Clients tell me that all the time.
If that sounds familiar to you, then I have something that can really help.
My Breaking Old Patterns Toolkit was created to help you overcome those old patterns of thought, behaviour and anxiety, so that you can find your way out of the maze of abuse.
It goes live on Wednesday, January 21st and the prices rises then. But when you grab it now, you take advantage of an ultra-affordable pre-launch price .
At less than 50% of the cost of a very average counselling session, it will give you all the tools you need to uncover and remove the old patterns of the past that keep you reliving the old anxieties and fears.
Focus on the How
If you, too, still struggle with some of those old patterns, you likely confuse how you are – as a result of what you have been through – with who you are.
The How is simply an old patterned response. With the right input you can start to change that surprisingly quickly..
The Who, also, can change more than you think, once the How does.
The Breaking Old Patterns Toolkit will give you everything you need to start change that old How. Fast. It will enable you to leave the maze behind you.
Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.