The 7 real mistakes all emotionally abused women make are not the faults they blame themselves for. Abused women blame themselves for everything that goes wrong in the relationship.First off, it’s important to understand that every woman who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship is programmed to blame herself for,
- Things that are simply NOT her fault
- Alleged mistakes
- Things that are acutely harmful to her and will never transform the relationship
It is only this last category that truly qualifies as the 7 real mistakes all emotionally abused women make – and need to truly own.
Mistakes every emotionally abused woman makes that are NOT her fault
- Constantly messing up. The abusive partner’s ‘interpretation’ of reality is that his criticisms are always her fault.
- Spoiling the relationship.(In reality she is the person who tries to hold the relationship together.)
- Being stupid.(She isn’ And not even choosing love a man who is not worthy of her makes her stupid.)
- Being too old, or too young.(It takes a special kind of idiot to turn around one day and say to someone of 21, or 41, or 71, that they are suddenly unacceptable – because of their chronological age.)
- Being perceived as (Living a life of ugliness is enough to make anyone feel ugly; but the true ugliness lies in the heart of the abusive man,.)
- Never being good enough. (Emotionally abusive men are incredibly demanding in the standards they exact of a partner. Abusers don’t simply believe they should get something for nothing – they believe they should get EVERYTHING for nothing.)
- Feeling like a failure as a woman. – because Mr Nasty constantly offloads his failures as a partner on her!)
Alleged mistakes emotionally abused women make:
- Her weight.(It’s never really a weight issue. It is perfectly possible to be overweight, underweight or the perfect weight and be l Just not by a fault-finding, abusive man.)
- Her past mistakes. (Emotionally abusive men totally outclass elephants in the memory stakes – meaning that, for them, there is no such thing as a “past”)
- Her education. (Too much, too little, too general, too specific – it’s just WRONG!)
- Her family – liking your family is not part of Mr Nasty’s job description.
- Her friends. Just because.
The 7 real mistakes that all emotionally abused women make have nothing to do with the alleged crimes for which their partners reproach them. The real mistakes are the errors of judgement that abused women make unconsciously.
The 7 real mistakes all emotionally abused women make are:
- Turning a blind eye to his unacceptable behaviors. You say that you do this because you love him. He interprets your acceptance as compliance. In his eyes, you have given him clear proof that you are a
- Trying over and over again to make the relationship work. When an abusive partner has told you, either in words or actions, 3, or 4, or 5 times, that he does not value you or the relationship, he’s sharing his mission You’d better believe it.
- Making excuses for him.He behaves like a heel, and you know it. But you tell yourself, “He had a difficult childhood. ” “He’s had a hard time at work – or being out of work.” “It’s just the drink talking.” Bad behavior is bad behavior. This is Mr Judgmental we’re talking about. He deserves to be judged by his own exacting standards.
- Feeling responsible for him.The time comes when you say; “I’ve had enough. It’s over.” He’s foreseen that day, and he’s ready. He turns on the crocodile tears. He tells you that he can’t live without you. It’s taken until now for him to discover how much he loves you. From now on, he will be a good boy. But he does need you to help him – because you can’t expect the poor poppet to do it on his own. So you agree to support him, and he’s back on track.
- Each time you tell yourself, “Well, it’s not that bad,” you give him carte blanche to carry on behaving as badly, or worse, than he has done in the past. Why would he feel obliged to improve his behavior when you don’t hold him accountable?
- Covering up.Your relationship is ghastly. But you don’t want the world to know. So you put a brave face on it. Once again, you are giving him permission to behave as badly as he wants. He knows his abuse will stay behind closed doors.
- Believing in fairy tales. Of course, you don’t consciously believe in fairy tales: you are a grown woman not a little girl, after all. But, unconsciously, you’re still stuck acting out Beauty and the Beast. Every last petal has dropped off that rose, the only time the crockery and cutlery dance is when he gets angry. Time to get real. If some other naïve woman wants to play Disney fairy tales with him, good luck to her.
The 7 real mistakes all emotionally abused women make have nothing to do with your alleged faults or inadequacies. These 7 real mistakes all emotionally abused women make are all about being too willing to carry on believing the best of someone who is trying very hard to show you just what a jerk he is.
Abusive men don’t give you too many gifts. Showing you just how unpleasant and callous they can be is the best gift you’re going to get in a lousy situation Accept it and move on.
If you, or a loved one have been affected by the 7 real mistakes all emotionally abused women make, please share this post on social media to help other women attain the clarity they need.
Warm wishes for your healing and happiness,
Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.
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