“Too Blind to See”

02 Dec 2014

Emotional abuse is always, ALWAYS tough.  It may well be the toughest thing we ever suffer in our entire life.

Not because it is the worst thingWhen you stand back and look at it, there are far sadder things than that.  But there is an experience of awfulness attached to emotional abuse that you don’t find anywhere else.  Because it violates our fundamental beliefs about our own humanity – and other people’s.  (The atrocities of war are, ultimately, a conscious use of emotional abuse, on top of physical violence.)

That said, some emotionally abusive scenarios seem even tougher than others.  Back in March, I wrote about Wendy and asked those of you who pray to pray for her.

Wendy’s situation was horrendous. In a country where women have few rights and zero protection, in a relationship with a violent man who threatened her young children’s well-being, Wendy had no money, no job, no prospects, nowhere to turn and no-one to turn to.  She hated herself for staying, but didn’t know how she could possibly leave.

Still, leave she did.

Her first refuge was somewhere that didn’t even have running water.

It was monumentally hard for Wendy and there were times when she wobbled.  She wondered whether she could do this, or whether she should go back.

But she found enormous courage: the courage to keep going despite her crushing fear.

7 months after she left, here’s what she said to me:

“I can’t believe I was so blind not to see what was right in my face. I just laugh when I get calls from even my former pastor about how my ex is begging for my children and me to return. My confidence has soared and I’ve held a job for the last two months. Thank you so much for giving me that empowerment.”

Wendy had, in her own words, been ‘too blind to see’ that she could have a life without the man who was denying her and her children a life.

Like all emotionally abused women, she blamed herself, and told herself a story about having made her bed and having to lie in it. Because of the children. Because of the community she belonged to. Because of her inadequacy. Because of What People Would Think.  Because of the society she lived in.  Because…

Terrified, traumatized Wendy – not her real name, but she knows who she is – has become for me a role model who typifies the strength and courage of emotionally abused women.

She has achieved so much more than she would ever have imagined possible.

In under 8 months.

Almost despite herself.

She’s worked through my Ultimate Emotional Abuse Recovery Program, on her mobile phone – because that is all she had – and she has travelled light years.  In a matter of months.

Is that the end of Wendy’s journey?

Absolutely NOT.

If she can scale that mountain, why should anything stop her ever again?  (I know you’re listening, Wendy!)

If she can scale that mountain, what’s to stop any one of us scaling our biggest mountain?

What’s to stop you?

Wendy is in you, too.

We need to honor Wendy’s extraordinary strength, and courage.  We need to admire the untold resources she found within herself.

And we need to honor the Wendy hidden inside each and every one of us.

Not least out of respect for the real Wendy who 8 months ago had so nearly given up on her life.

Wherever you are along your healing journey, next time you even think of getting discouraged, think Wendy.  I know I shall.


Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

Leave a comment

The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse.  Starting with the basics.

Connect with me on Instagram

Want daily reassurance and inspiration? Sign up to my Instagram account. @dr_anniephd