Is Something Stopping You?

08 Jan 2013

Have you ever felt there was something stopping you?  Something standing in the way of your having the good life you truly deserve?   If you’re like most emotionally abused women you probably feel a lot of obstacles stand in the way of you taking action.

However ground down you become in an emotionally abusive relationship, there’s still that little voice of certainty that surfaces from time to time and reminds you: “I’m worth so much more than this”. 

The problem is you look to your world to furnish proof of what that little voice is telling you, and one of two things happen: 

  • either you don’t see the proof you’re looking for, or else
  • you don’t believe it 

What do you think that’s about? 

Let’s take a look at what’s really going on. 

You’ve been in a relationship with an emotionally abusive man.  His intention for you was that you would never get over him: mentally, emotionally, or financially.  He did everything he could to make you feel inadequate in every area of your life.  

How do you know if you have been ‘trained’ to feel inadequate?  Being very easily triggered by fear, shame, and negative feelings about yourself is a pretty good indication.  Doubting that you are nearly good enough to do the things you want to do is a clear indication.  Worrying that you’ll never, ever, be able to manage financially on your own is an indication.  So, too, is constant procrastination.  How can you take the risk of taking action, and maybe getting something wrong, while you’re already battling with negative feelings about yourself? 

Would it help to know that your emotionally abusive partner actually programmed those feelings into you, with his carefully designed program of put downs, criticism, blame, and rejections? 

He said a lot of harsh things about you that are still festering in your mind.  Powerful as they may be, they’re NOT true.  

They never were. 

The thing is, you have the power to make them true, or untrue.  

That power lies with you. 

Sure, Mr Nasty taught you that you don’t have any power.  That was just another of his porky pies – that’s cockney rhyming slang for “lies”.  As you know, he had a real gift for telling porkies. 

Enough about him. 

He’s toxic. 

Let’s come back to you. 

You still have that little voice that believes in you.  

That voice is right.  

All the gifts you ever had are still there – even if they are currently submerged under the garbage heap of his negativity.  Gifts that you have not even got round to using yet, are there, also.  It’s the nature of the human condition – yours, too – that you will regularly discover, and use, more of your gifts, as you go through life.  

He’s worked really hard at making you so miserable that you would never lift your eyes from the ground.    

Time to change that.  

A while back I did a running course.  The trainer told us that most joggers run with their eyes on the ground.  Why?  So they won’t step in the piles of dog doo-doo.   It makes a kind of sense.  But it’s wrong-headed. 

If you lift your eyes and take in the broad sweep of what lies in front of you, you’ll still see the doo-doo on the pavement.  But you’ll also be able to see what lies ahead.  You’ll be able to focus on where they’re going, take in the view, be ready to deal with whatever comes up, and even – why not? – enjoy the experience. 

If you feel like there’s something stopping you, it’s time to stop concentrating on the doo-doo in your life.  

Let that little voice that believes in you be your guide. 


Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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