An abusive man is a “Failure Coach” by another name

06 Aug 2012

Okay, I’ll admit it, I’ve become hooked on the Olympic Games. That’s something I’d never have imagined.  But… the day when Great Britain wins 6 gold medals in one day, is a rare day, indeed.  And it set me musing…

I was always hopeless at sport.  My parents cheerfully pinned the ‘Hopeless at Sport’ label on me by the time I was 8.  And that was the end of it.  They were great people for label-pinning.

What makes the Olympics so fascinating – for me – is that the athletes all, clearly, held a vision of what they could be, do, and have.  That vision is what has enabled them to (collect people who believe in them and) achieve all that they have achieved. What happened to you – and me – in an abusive relationship is quite the opposite:

We surrendered our life to someone who had a vision of all that we could NOT be, do, or have.  Most likely, this person bore the title of “boyfriend”, “partner” or “husband”.  In reality, “Failure Coach” would have been a more accurate job description.

It’s never too late to change your coach.  Athletes do it.  So can you. 

Coaching only works!

You’ve seen how well your Failure Coach’s coaching works.  You know how it affects you.  Not good, is it?

Suppose you start to believe you really can be, do, and have what you want in your life?  Not tomorrow, or the day after.  But you can have it. You just have to put in the training.

And the training actually brings its own rewards – once you understand it is T-R-A-I-N-I-N-G, that is preparation, rather than your instant Olympic performance. It’s not unreasonable to have to put in a bit of effort to create your own miracle, is it?

How to do it? 

When you’re feeling low, it’s very easy to tell yourself what you can’t do – EVER – and why you can’t do it.  When you do that, you’re listening to your Failure Coach. 


Start training yourself for success and happiness.  Take advantage of everything that can help you along the way – instead of finding excuses for why you can’t do it, yet.  Feel the fear – if you must – and remember you’re already in the scariest place in the world; deep inside the negativity of your own head.  There’s no “Worst” that hasn’t already happened.  Honestly.

(And please don’t worry about your Failure Coach’s future.  He’ll probably find someone else to coach to his own dismally damaging standards.)

Go for Gold in your own life.





Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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