For the past few days the very edifying story of Tamara Eccelestone’s relationship meltdown has been plastered across the English tabloids.
Tamara, in case you don’t know, is the daughter of Formula 1 Billionaire, Bernie Ecclestone. As behoves the daughter of a billionaire, she is beautiful, groomed, famous for being the child of immense of wealth and, now, for looking for love in quite the wrong place.
Her relationship with Omar Khyami points to the fact that despite – or perhaps, because of – the immense privileges of her birth, she is no better at relationships than many other women.
Khyami received an 18 month sentence for handling stolen watches, and had a conviction for violence, before she met him. Cause for concern, you might say. Or maybe not. As Tamara chose to see it: “Omar had mentioned he’d done something stupid when he was young, but I never pressed him on it – as it was obviously something he wasn’t proud of. Of course, I don’t condone his actions. But everyone makes mistakes when they are young….I was just impressed that he’d been so honest.”
Tamara was clearly running the: “Yes, but… he’s a different person now” program which gets so many women into trouble.
Then there is the fact that the two lovebirds hadn’t had sex in a year. Tamara thought maybe she should go on a diet – which translates as the failure to have sex being somehow her fault, because she wasn’t perfect enough to be sexually attractive… to the man she thought was her soul-mate!!!
Still, a mere detail like that wasn’t enough to interfere with her desire to marry him.
Those plans foundered on the appearance of a sordid sex video that showed him wearing two “love bangles” given to him by Tamara. Unsurprisingly, perhaps, for a man who stands to lose an incredibly wealthy lover, Khyami has claimed he is a victim of blackmail, and said the event happened before he met Tamara. Despite the evidence to the contrary.
And here’s the really interesting part: Tamara has said she won’t speak to him, because: “Omar is a very smooth talker and even if I’d walked in on him doing this, he would have found a way to convince me that it was not what it seemed.”
Is this an emotionally abusive relationship?
It’s hard to see how it can NOT be.
- Tamara Ecclestone is, despite her financial blessings, emotionally naïve and vulnerable. She was prepared to believe in the magic, transformational power of love, and make excuses for a “Red Flag” past.
- She took responsibility for making the relationship work: if her partner was “too stressed” to have sex with her for a year, that was somehow her responsibility.
- She was running “The Soulmate Program”, which means you tell yourself someone is perfect for you, and you’ll never find someone else half as good (or perhaps anyone else, at all)… despite all evidence to the contrary.
- She could only know that Khyami could persuade her that black is white because he’s already done it before.
Tamara is, apparently, ‘devastated’. She says she wouldn’t want any other woman to go through what she’s been through. In that, she is absolutely right.
That’s what she says. But what will she do?
Right now, she is at a crossroad.
She can, of course, go out and find another man, and ‘show’ Khyami what he’s lost. That’s just another way of saying: she can get into a rebound relationship. Bad idea. When you fall out of a bad relationship into a rebound relationship, how bad can you reasonably expect the rebound relationship to be? (Answer: very bad.)
Or she could take the time to look at her own vulnerability – and susceptibility – to men who, clearly, don’t treat her as a valuable human being. She could do the healing work she needs to do around learning to value herself, creating boundaries, and creating her ideal relationship… as opposed to just grafting one man of questionable character, or another, onto her fantasy.
Will she do that work on herself?
I wonder. Given your own experience of ‘female nature’, what do you think?
Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.