“I’m not sure you can help me”

10 Jun 2011

“I don’t know if you can help me…” Roberta said.

Her voice on the other end of the line sounded so young and vulnerable.

It’s always like this at the start of one of my programs.  Most of the women on the call don’t really believe things can get better for them, but they’ll give it one last try.

There’s always at least one woman who barely dares to whisper down the phone.  It’s as if she has to apologize for showing up, at all.

Roberta sounded like a little girl, a delightful, sweet, little girl, anxious to please and totally at sea in a harsh world she had no control over.

Somehow, she’d found the courage to tell her husband it was over.  She hadn’t done it for herself, of course.  She’d probably never have believed she had the right to do it for herself.  She was doing it for her children.

She’d seen how her emotionally abusive husband was damaging the children.

She wanted to protect her children, at all costs.

She found the strength she needed to protect them.

But she had no thought of protecting herself.

She saw herself as a kind of human shield: she’d take all the blows that rained down, to protect her children.

She’d made a trade: their life for hers, their future for hers, their happiness for hers.

She probably hadn’t made that trade-off consciously, but she’d made it…

She’d joined my program because she didn’t know if she’d have the strength to follow through, on her own.

What’s happened to her over the weeks?

Well, probably the first thing she noticed was that she’d stopped saying “I”.  She talked about “feelings”, about “people”, but she didn’t even talk about herself in the first person.  She wasn’t even important enough to have feelings worth owning.

She was shocked when I pointed it out to her. She made a real effort to start using the “I” word in her conversation.  I could hear her struggling with it.

But within a few weeks, she found her voice.

She started to learn about abusive men, abused women, and the Abusive Kingdom, and everything she learnt made perfect sense to her.

She stopped feeling she was going crazy.  She stopped living in a cruel, destructive, senseless world, where she was powerless.

She stopped being at the mercy of an abusive partner’s mind games.

She stopped saying: “I have to do this, or else disaster will strike.”  She’s realized she has some power in the situation; and she’s starting to use it.

She’s seen some things she can do to improve the quality of her life right away.  And she’s doing them.

She’s started to laugh, and envision the future she wants for herself.  She now believes she really can have that future, and she’s working towards it, daily.

She’s discovered she’s a grown up and she’s allowed to make her own choices and decisions.

She’s stepping into her own personal power.

Every week, she learns more that helps her rebuild her self-belief, her joy, and her courage.

Her relationship with her children, is deeper, more open, and more joyful.  She’s able to help them come to terms with their father’s behaviour: they know it’s not their fault, and they feel safe.

She understands how her own childhood set her up for an abusive relationship, and she’s making big changes in the way she sees herself, and treats herself.

She said to me: “I don’t even remember how I found you on the Internet but I’m so grateful I did.  I think you really have saved my life.  I’ve tried working with therapists and counsellors.  But they didn’t understand.  They didn’t seem to know how to explain things.  Working with them didn’t change anything.  Working with you makes it all so clear.  In each class you say exactly what I need to hear.  You know how I feel.  You never judge.  I would never have believed I could come so far, so fast.”

Roberta doesn’t sound like a little girl anymore.  She sounds like a strong, confident, optimistic woman, who loves to laugh, and can see her way forward.

It’s exciting to work with her, in the same way that it’s exciting to work with every single woman I work with.   It’s thrilling to see her develop week by week into the amazing, creative woman she is; it’s wonderful to watch her delight as she finds out that she’s not who she thought she was, but a vibrant, interesting, attractive person.

That’s what happens to every woman on my teleclasses.

They sign up out of desperation, because they are at their wits’ end.  I don’t know quite what they expect: maybe they think I’m going to tell them it’s all their fault and they should pull themselves together.

That’s not how it works, at all.

We go on a shared journey together.  They learn from me, but also from each other.  They learn to feel valued and accepted.  They learn to be at peace with the past and with themselves.  They learn to laugh, and they learn to look forward to the future.

They let go of the fear and despair, and they find courage and happiness take their place.

It happened to Roberta.

And if you join my support program, I guarantee it will happen for you.


Nothing’s going to change, unless you take some action.  But if you are prepared to take the same step into the unknown that Roberta took, you can achieve the same result as Roberta.

Are you ready?

Warm wishes,


PS  I was one of the most negative people on the planet, and I managed to ditch my abusive partner, get over the fear and create a wonderful life for myself.  I did it all the hard way, by trial and error.

I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

You don’t have to do that.  You can take advantage of everything I’ve discovered that works brilliantly.

All you have to do is jump on board and you will enjoy the ride.

CLICK HERE:  https://recoverfromemotionalabuse.com/teleconference/


Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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