“The Most Wonderful Time…” Bah! Humbug!

23 Dec 2010

It’s that time of year again. 

And if you’re not in a relationship – or not in the relationship that you’d like to be in, you may be feeling going through one of those Beggar-At-The-Feast moments. 

Not fun, eh? 

So, here’s something you might like to think about instead: 

Christmas, and the summer holiday period, are the two biggest times for relationship breakdown. 

Come January 3rd, ‘Family Law’ lawyers can look forward to a load of new work. 


Because Christmas, and holidays, are times when fantasy and reality collide. Everything has to be perfect, especially if the run up has been anything but perfect. 

It all relates to the little known disease of “fairytale-itis”. 

It’s a nasty disease, to be sure. 

And one not best treated with either drugs, or a sharp dose of reality. 

Fairytale-itis is something most little girls contract in childhood.  It lies dormant until they kiss their first frog, or Beast, or handsome prince.  

Then it triggers all kinds of madness including: 

  • Not seeing the person in front of your eyes
  • Putting him at the very centre of your world – and yourself on the periphery
  • Disregarding your own needs and wants
  • Doing more back-flips than Andre the seal for a few lousy scraps of affection 

Need I go on? 

So, you don’t have the relationship you think you want this Christmas. 

I hate to tell you this, but … 

That’s probably cause for rejoicing. 


Because, Ms Partner-Pleaser, the relationship you think you want is NOT really good enough.  It’s just not good enough for you.  It’s based on what you think you can have; that is, what you would be willing to settle for.  

It’s not based on the… 

joyful 100% unconditional love and acceptance of you that you DESERVE, just because… 

Because you’re you 

And you’re human 

And you’re perfectly lovable, warts and all. 

Of course, you’re not perfect… 

But why should you be?  

Perfection is overrated. 

(Prince Charming wasn’t perfect, just good looking – allegedly – financially secure, and a bit smarmy!!) 

But this isn’t about him, so let’s get back to you. 

You’re perfectly imperfect, and that is more than good enough.  

Now, all you need to do is ATTRACT that person who will cherish and adore your perfect imperfection. 

But here’s the deal: 

Before another person can cherish and adore your perfect imperfection, you have to start doing that for yourself. 

And that’s why Fairytale-itis is so pernicious.  Fairytale-itis tells you that you only have to be as pretty and sweet as you possibly can be, and then sit quietly on your hands… and wait for someone to sweep you off to that “Whole New World”… 

That one never works

(The Whole New World where you can gape at them adoringly, have their babies, clean their palace, and walk in their shadow.) 


Princes have big heads, low concentration spans and, to top it all off, they are very, very self-indulgent. 

Is that what you want? 

I thought not. 

Quality men, on the other hand, will be magnetized by your quietly confident – or noisily confident, if you prefer – perfect imperfection. 

Honestly, it beats sexy underwear, backflips, servile adoration, and the whole fairytale-itis kit and kaboodle. 

What’s even better is that embracing your perfect imperfection – so other people can do so, too – is a lot of fun. 

If you’re ready to have more fun, and much, much better relationships in 2011, let me help you. 

Keep your eyes on your Inbox, for more great stuff. 

Here’s wishing you a wonderful, love-filled 2011, 



Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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