How do you know that you need emotional abuse help?

18 Nov 2010

How do you know that you need emotional abuse help?

It’s simple really.

  • Your confidence and self-esteem are at an all time low.  Your partner is constantly criticizing all your faults, and you feel so bad that you think he is probably right.  But, at the same time, you have a feeling that something is wrong.
  • You are terribly confused about what is really happening in your relationship.
  • You can’t understand why the person who is meant to love you treats you so badly, so much of the time.
  • You can’t understand why he never forgives and forgets: he still gets furious about for something that happened years ago.  What’s more, almost always that ‘something’ was pretty unimportant, at the time it first happened.
  • You’ve become a ‘hopium addict’.  You hold on, desperately, to the memory of the ‘good times’ you had in some dim and distant past.  You pin all your strength, and your energy, on your relationship suddenly going into reverse gear, so Mr Nasty suddenly ‘morphs’ back into Prince Charming.

If that sounds like your life, you’re struggling in a toxic relationship.  All your best efforts to repair the relationship are not working.  Not least because your partner has no wish to improve the relationship.

Why would he?

He is happy with it just the way it is: it gives him every opportunity to put you down to make himself feel better.  That works for him.

The time has come to get emotional abuse help.  Unless you want to go down.  Because, in an abusive relationship, you will go down.

And you don’t truly want to do that, do you?

You stick around because you are too frightened to leave.  But, also, because, you still hope that you can heal your partner, the relationship, and yourself.

Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Where do you look for emotional abuse help?

You can read all the information you can get hold of: read all the books, and articles, you can find.  That is a great start.  You will learn a lot, and what you read may help you begin to rebuild your identity, and self-worth.

You can check out local resources: women’s groups, your refuge, counsellors, psychologists, and psychotherapist.  Or you can carry on using the Internet as a quick, effective way zero in on the expert whose message really resonates with you.

There can be no doubt that working with an expert will fast-track your recovery.  You need someone who:

  • understands exactly what you have been through
  • cares about your well being
  • supports you unconditionally, and
  • is willing to hold a vision of who you truly are, until you are able to do that for yourself.

So, how do you choose the right person to provide you with the emotional abuse help you need, so you can heal your life?

The person you choose needs to:

a)    have first hand experience of emotional abuse, and emotional abuse healing

b)    be fully aware of the special nature, and features, of abusive relationships

c) specialize in helping others heal from the trauma of emotional abuse

d)    have a proven track record.

Emotional abuse help is a highly specialized field.  Regrettably, people who have a general therapeutic training, and do not understand the special nature of emotional abuse, think they know what they are doing.  Too often, they do not.

Because the abusive partner is a good liar, emotionally detached, and – by this point -far more ‘together’ mentally than their victim, they are more credible, and engaging than their victim.

‘Experts’ who support the abusive partner, at the expense of the abused partner, are all too common.  They cause untold damage, because they actually increase the abused partner’s feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, and confusion.

How do you know that emotional abuse help is working?

Expect it to start to work very quickly.   If your emotional abuse help is working, you can expect to have a strong sense that it is valuable, and you have come to the right place, right from the first session.

First off, you will start to gain an understanding of what really happened.

Then, you will have a sense that your coach or therapist really is on your side, and really hears what you have to say.

Before long, you will start to have a new perspective on the relationship.

Over time, you can expect to gain a whole new perspective on yourself, and your future also.  (It will be much more positive than you could possibly imagine, and it will be absolutely realistic. In reality, only your ‘learned negativity’ is unrealistic.)

You will also learn everything you need to know to ensue that you never make the same mistakes again.

Emotional abuse eats away at you.  It ends up leaving you feeling utterly helpless.  Because you feel helpless, it feels as if there is no help out there for you, anywhere.

That is not true.

There is fantastic emotional abuse help available to you, right now.  But you must take action. Do your research, find the person, and the message, that resonates with you, and go for it.  Commit to your recovery.

You don’t need to know how you will ever recover.  Your job is simply to trust that you will, and work with the expert who can make that happen.  Because they really care about helping you.

Helping women to break the mould of abuse for themselves, their children, and the next generation is my passion.  I’ve helped many hundreds of women to create a wonderful future for themselves, and I would love to help you, too.

Great emotional abuse help is the bridge that crosses the chasm from shame, misery and humiliation, to love, laughter and joy.

Are you ready to walk across that bridge?


Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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