Abusive Men 57

29 May 2010

One brand, 57 (or so) varieties, available throughout the world. 

Common ingredients include: 

  • Blame
  • Contempt
  • Cruelty
  • Hostility
  • Arrogance
  • Selfishness
  • Denial
    of all responsibility
  • Withholding
  • Care-lessness
  • Criticism
  • Behaviours
    designed to alienate you from friends and family
  • Fear
    and anxiety provoking behaviours

I could go on, but I am sure you get the picture. 

Different products may contain more or less: 

  • Sexual
  • Alcohol
  • Financial
  • Intimidating
  • Rage
  • Bad
  • Sulking
  • Silence
  • Overt
  • Physical
  • Lies
  • Drug
  • Anti-social
  • Physical
  • Difficult

My ex-husband was the Professional Variety, your partner
may have been the Business Variety, the Unemployed Variety, the Tolerable When
Sober Variety, the Pillar of the Church Variety, the Silver-Tongued Variety,
the He’s Had It So Hard Variety, or the Beast You Think Might Turn Into A
Prince Variety – to name just a few.

But here’s the thing: they are all Abusive Men 57

They have a limited shelf-life.  

You have resolutely refused to take into account their
expiration date.

How can you read their expiration date? 

Simple really.  By
the time that they have treated you badly 3 times, and failed to take your
feelings into account, they have passed their expiration date.  Period. 

And that’s being conservative. 

Keep them in your cupboard and they will continue to
deteriorate until they eventually explode. 
It is only a matter of time when that happens.

They are seriously bad for your health.  

So, here’s the thing: the kind of cans you have had in
your cupboard, is not a reflection on you. 
It is purely an indication that at one time you purchased a poor
quality product
.  Haven’t we all
done that at one time or another?

The abusive man that you have allowed into your life is,
similarly, not a reflection on you. His
 awfulness is entirely his own. 

It is all about him.  His vile behavior is not about you, at all. 

Sure, you have a responsibility for giving an abusive man
shelf space in the first place. 
But you didn’t create him. 
(Not even if he swears blind that you did!)

And you learned the hard way.  You made mistakes, because you did not know that being trusting and
more focused on other people than yourself left you terribly, terribly vulnerable.

But you know what? 

You’ve paid, in full, for your mistakes.  You’ve done the time, suffered massively,
tried everything you possibly could to make amends, and your good behaviour has not
been taken into account.

Time to give yourself a full pardon. 

And, why not learn all the lessons from your mistakes, just
so that you don’t risk making the same ones in the future?

Besides, why on earth would you settle for Abusive Men 57?  

Why settle for slimy canned
gloop, when there is so much good fresh food around with which to nurture body
and soul?











Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.

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