Women’s Emotional Abuse Recovery

How do you want to be loved?

All abusive relationships start with compromise. My experience of listening to the story of hundreds and hundreds of abused women suggests three levels of compromise: 1) Dislike at first sight. I’ve yet to come across one abused woman whose initial reaction to her future partner was not a resounding: “Yuck!” 2) Accepting, and overlooking distasteful and/or troubling behaviours – including leering at other women, emotional bullying, threats, addictions, etc. 3) Settling for less.

A Half-shot Latte

There is a fundamental flaw in every abused woman’s thinking here, and it lies in the gulf between the way she thinks she has been educating her partner, and the message that he receives. She thinks that he hears her statement – that he must not treat her that way, because it is painful to her. What he actually hears is that she is asking him, from a place of powerlessness, whether he would, please, be kind enough to change. And he wouldn’t. He will play act, to the best of his ability, for as long as he needs to. But he will do no more than that.

Let It Be Easy For People To Like You!

The bedrock of every abusive marriage, or partnership, is the premise that the abuser decides who is, and is not, ‘good enough’; and, try as they may, the abused partner will never, ever be good enough – whatever that means. Show me one abused woman who has not been programmed for shame, and anxiety, and not feeling good enough by her abusive partner; and, most probably, her family, before him.

When did you become silent to yourself?

When did you become silent to yourself? Were you a child? A teenager? A young woman? A wife?
How did you become silent to yourself? What made you stop listening to your own feelings, your own needs and wants, your soul?
Why did you become silent to yourself? I know that your abusive partner said this, that and the other, but still, why did you stop listening to yourself? And if it was a strategy intended to help you, did it?
Where did you become silent to yourself? Can you remember the place where you made that decision? And are there any areas in your life where you still do listen to yourself?

How Not To Be A Valentine’s Day Martyr Top 10 Tips

Valentine’s Day is the day for lovers. It’s the day when happy couples celebrate, and lots of couples pretend; while singles and people in bad relationships can feel pretty sorry for themselves. It can be the perfect opportunity for a “Pity Party”. Unfortunately, Pity Parties are the loneliest parties in the world. If you don’t want be a Valentine’s Day martyr, you need to know the Top 10 Things NOT to do.

The 7 Mistakes All Emotionally Abused Women Make

The real mistakes that women make in abusive relationships have nothing to do with faults or inadequacies. They are all about being too willing to carry on believing the best of someone who is trying very hard to show you just what a jerk he is.

She Was Skipping In The Car Park For Joy!

Someone contacted me recently to tell me how worried her family were about her. You see, they found out that she had been skipping in a car park, one evening. Her family didn’t recognize her. They wondered if she had become ‘unstable’. They had become so used to the ‘ground down’ version of her, that anything else seemed odd, worrisome. How sad is that? What took her from being depressed, downtrodden and despairing, to the kind of person who could skip spontaneously for joy,
was all the things she discovered on the Accelerated Healing Journey Program.

The Arbiter of Your Life

Here’s a simple rule of thumb: when we arrive on this earth every one of us gets issued with one life. That is the one life that we are the arbiter of. In the free world, at least, nobody gets to be the arbiter of two, three, or more, lives. Bad behaviour does not earn an abusive partner the right to be the arbiter of your life.

Are You An ‘Emotional Underearner’?

Quite possibly, abused women are “Emotional Underearners”.
All the effort that abused women put into their relationships never gets translated into being treated with consistent love, care and respect by their abusive partners. They are left with nothing to show for all that they do for their abusive partner (and sometimes, also, for other people in their life.)

2010 – Half A Slice Of Chocolate Cake?

The moment you walk away from the table of your abusive relationship, you get the right to make choices for yourself. You get to choose: where you will sit in the future,who you will sit with,who you will break bread with, who you share your company with.
Don’t believe me? That’s the problem. (You still confuse what your abusive partner said with the truth).
Your belief is based on your experience as an abused woman. That doesn’t mean that it is right…

OLDER POSTS >

The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.

GET THE 5 SIMPLE STEPS

Women’s Emotional Abuse Recovery

How do you want to be loved?

A Half-shot Latte

Let It Be Easy For People To Like You!

When did you become silent to yourself?

How Not To Be A Valentine’s Day Martyr Top 10 Tips

The 7 Mistakes All Emotionally Abused Women Make

She Was Skipping In The Car Park For Joy!

The Arbiter of Your Life

Are You An ‘Emotional Underearner’?

2010 – Half A Slice Of Chocolate Cake?

The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Connect with me on Instagram

dr_anniephd