Abused women don’t give up easily on a bad relationship or an abusive man. Tammy Wynette’s “Stand by your man” could have been written for them. For as long as they hope the last glimmer of life and hope is still there, they are prepared to give the relationship one more try. Which is where the question: “Will counselling help?” comes in. Usually, abused women want two things from coaching:
Dear Annie,
I have finally ended the marriage and we have been divorced for 3 months, and yet I find I feel worse as time goes on. At first I felt a sense of relief (maybe because his anger, comments, judgement were still fresh in my mind). When I was with him I felt miserable most […]
An abusive man will always see you in the worst possible light, interpret what you do in the most damning way, and judge you mercilessly. Abused women who give too much spend a lot of time beating themselves up about not giving enough, not loving enough, and not being good enough… to name but three of their deep-seated negative beliefs about themselves.
Abused women have hungry hearts. It was a hungry heart that took them into an abusive relationship in the first place. In the course of the relationship, that heart became a whole lot hungrier.
What do you say to the girl who “just wants to help” her abusive partner? Why “helping” an abusive man never helps him, or you.
If you’ve been with an abusive partner for any length of time, you will have been subjected to a lot of ultimatums. Abusive men LOVE them – and they know just how much you hate them.
So, let’s look, for a moment, at the language of ultimatums; why abusive men use them so much, and what […]
How many bad Valentine’s Days have you had?
I can rank mine into 3 separate categories:
Teenage angst, waiting to receive the first Valentine – and wondering whether I would ever get one.
My married years, when the wasband would pointedly buy a card, engineer a fight, and leave the card in its bag, because “under the circumstances, […]
“Why is it that the feeling of waiting for him to call me to tell me that he is sorry and that he loves me won’t go away? How do I let go of the feelings of wanting him to show up and be the prince I want in my life?”
Being in an abusive relationship means you dream small and hope small – if you still dream and hope, at all. If you’re wishing for anything, you’ll be wishing to be “loved, and treated right, respected, and happy”, and a number of other things that all sound perfectly reasonable until…
Fairytale-itis is something most little girls contract in childhood. It lies dormant until they kiss their first frog, or Beast, or handsome prince. Then it triggers all kinds of madness including:
Not seeing the person in front of your eyes
Putting him at the very centre of your world – and yourself on the periphery
Disregarding your own needs and wants
Doing more back-flips than Andre the seal for a few lousy scraps of affection
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
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