It’s only in fairy tales that Mr Nasty suddenly changes, overnight, into Prince Charming. Abusers don’t change over night – not least, because they don’t want to. (Although that won’t stop them promising, if they think:
a) they’ve gone too far
b) you’ll listen)
Abused women don’t give up easily on a bad relationship or an abusive man. Tammy Wynette’s “Stand by your man” could have been written for them. For as long as they hope the last glimmer of life and hope is still there, they are prepared to give the relationship one more try. Which is where the question: “Will counselling help?” comes in. Usually, abused women want two things from coaching:
Dear Annie,
I have finally ended the marriage and we have been divorced for 3 months, and yet I find I feel worse as time goes on. At first I felt a sense of relief (maybe because his anger, comments, judgement were still fresh in my mind). When I was with him I felt miserable most […]
An abusive man will always see you in the worst possible light, interpret what you do in the most damning way, and judge you mercilessly. Abused women who give too much spend a lot of time beating themselves up about not giving enough, not loving enough, and not being good enough… to name but three of their deep-seated negative beliefs about themselves.
Abused women have hungry hearts. It was a hungry heart that took them into an abusive relationship in the first place. In the course of the relationship, that heart became a whole lot hungrier.
Abusive men hold a very black and white view of the world. Theirs is a world of contrasts.
You already know this for yourself because your abusive partner invariably come out with pronouncements like these:
“I’m right; you’re wrong.”
“People respect me; they despise you.”
“You’re a lousy mother; I’m a wonderful father.”
“You’re crazy, I’m sane; and normal.”
“You’re too […]
Hi Annie,
I have to ask your opinion, although I think I already know the answer!
I have been with my husband for 3 yrs. He definitely has issues! He has an anger problem and he has been mentally abusing me during our whole relationship. He tells me it’s my fault, that I’m the reason he blows […]
One of the wounds that abused women have received is, undoubtedly, the wound of naivety. We tend to believe too readily. We are too easily deceived. Where are abusive partners are concerned, this costs us dear.
What do you say to the girl who “just wants to help” her abusive partner? Why “helping” an abusive man never helps him, or you.
If you’ve been with an abusive partner for any length of time, you will have been subjected to a lot of ultimatums. Abusive men LOVE them – and they know just how much you hate them.
So, let’s look, for a moment, at the language of ultimatums; why abusive men use them so much, and what […]
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
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