When did your relationship become overtly emotionally abusive, and damaging?
Where did it all start to go wrong?
“Wrong”, so to speak. You’d got past the first hurdle. You’d overlooked the ringing of the warning bells, and the waving of the red flags inside your own head, when first you met him. You’d believed him when he […]
Verbal communication is great, isn’t it? Words may, or may not, mean just what they say. They can be a tool for clarity and communication… Or not. Like the splendid: “We need to talk”, used religiously in soap operas – by women – to herald searingly honest communication… Except that it’s not about talking, it’s […]
So, how could you have spotted him, had you been that way minded? Let’s count the ways:
First, as mentioned last week, intuition raised the red flag.
Second, there was something about his social persona that you didn’t quite like. Was he a bit boastful? A bit self-centred? Self-opinionated? Did he thrill, almost embarrassingly, to the sound […]
Be sure to answer his text messages. He’s sent you a text which means he, clearly, expects an answer. So, you’d better give him one, hadn’t you? No matter that he doesn’t answer your messages when it doesn’t suit him. That’s different, isn’t it?
Try very hard to have the last word. I understand it means […]
Are you struggling with the “G” word? Struggling to say “goodbye” and mean it? When is the last word finally final? When do you say, “I’m through with trying to get that abusive man to listen to what I’m saying?” – and mean it?
Is it:
a) when he actually listens
b) when you get bored
c) when he […]
Keep telling yourself why you needed the relationship to work. You went into the relationship wanting and needing certain things. Your abusive partner failed to deliver these on a regular, predictable, consistent basis. And yet you’re still holding onto the hope that he could deliver… one day.. If you used UPS, and they only delivered, […]
It’s not often that my wonderful partner drinks to excess – not least because he has quite an impressive capacity to hold his drink. But last Thursday we flew to Venice, as dawn broke over the UK. It made for a very early start, and a long day.
By 9 pm we staggered back to our […]
Do you remember the old song “Solitaire”? Solitaire was, apparently, “the only game in town”. But what makes it very like an abusive relationship may not be quite what you think.
Have you ever spent time playing Solitaire on the computer?
After my abusive husband left, I used to play it until late into the night. I […]
“Why can’t he behave like a normal person?” Geri asked.
Because I was pushed for time, but wanted to reply, I gave her the short answer. I’ve no doubt your head already knows the answer as well as I do, but maybe your feelings play tricks on you, just like Geri’s feelings do.
The short answer goes […]
Farrah is someone who has put a LOT of effort into getting over an abusive relationship. She’s read a lot, thought a lot, and tried a lot of things, including counselling, without feeling a whole lot better. And, like most of the women I work with, she was struggling stoically. She’s come to accept that […]
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
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