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How Are You Teaching People To Behave Towards You?
Suppose that bad relationships are made at the very start when we allow the relationship to begin on the wrong footing, when we ‘settle for less’. It may be a ‘romantic’ relationship in which we think we will iron out the difficulties further down the line. Or it may be a friendship or business relationship where you think that just for now you’ll let yourself be put upon or pushed around.
Finding the courage to walk away
There is a theory that we train people to behave towards us in a certain way. Now, I’m not saying that your partner’s abusive behaviours were ever your fault. But I am saying that he keeps coming back because he knows that you will keep taking him back.
Breaking the code
You learn very quickly in an abusive relationship that your mistakes are not to be tolerated. In fact, where you are concerned there is no such thing as a small mistake. Abusive men express themselves in a code that is actually blindingly simple.
That being the case why does it take their women so long to crack it?
“I miss the intimacy”
Abused women very hungry indeed for any sign of love, closeness, being cherished. Touching, sex, kissing etc. apparently provide this. Because all these things most commonly occur in a loving relationship, when they occur it is easy to conclude that the relationship is loving, at least at that moment and that your partner’s intention is loving. Sadly it tends not to work like that in an abusive relationship.
“Trust your abilities”
Abused women hear and retain every single negative comment that an abusive partner ever makes about them. They also register every negative comment from every other source with any access to them. They have been taught to believe the worst about themselves. They have learned, by bitter experience, that only bad things happen to women in abusive relationships.
“Can an emotionally abusive partner change their colors?”
He hasn’t loved you enough to care about not hurting your feelings time and time again and you are unable to love him unconditionally – and who could blame you? You have a great basis for a lousy relationship, but a truly lousy basis for a good relationship.
“I don’t want to go over the same ground again and again”
The unconscious mind doesn’t hear negatives. So each time a woman says: “I don’t want to keep going over the same ground”, what her unconscious mind hears is: “I want to keep going over the same ground”. The unconscious mind is not a dumping ground where you offload garbage. Instead, it is a somewhat literal genie totally committed to giving you exactly what it hears you ask for.
What is wrong with me that I can’t seem to get myself out of this hell?”
It’s ok to feel what you’re feeling. It’s normal. The fact that you are berating yourself for still being in the relationship actually means that you are growing your wings and preparing for flight.
“How Do You Respond To A Hurtful Comment?”
In order for an abusive man to feel good about himself, someone else needs to be made to feel bad. In most cases that someone else is going to be you.
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
