Blog
One thing that we, as abused women, forget
In my working life I hear so many women make misguided claims for abusive men who can behave nicely on occasion. And, yes, confusing the odd loving behaviour or statement with a loving temperament is a kind of ‘sleight of mind’. It’s called persuading yourself that second best really isn’t second best. In the end, that bad decision always comes back to haunt you.
I Can’t Believe It Could Happen To Me
I can’t believe something like this could happen to me. I thought I was so strong. I still feel myself daily questioning whether I deserved it or not. I feel like maybe I was wrong all along… that I did deserve this… otherwise how could he be so happy now without me in his life? Isn’t the abusive one the one who is tormented afterward because his object of control is gone? Maybe I was the one who was abusive? Maybe all of the horrible things he said about me are true.
“What Should I Do About My Abusive Husband?”
My husband has been verbally abusive since we got married 10 years ago. His abuse is getting harder to bear and I am beginning to hate him for the abuse. What should I do?
“What Seeds Have You Planted Beneath The Snow?”
I had become aware that the fear and shame that grew out of my abusive relationship were still ‘drivers’ in my life. And I wanted to clear them.
“Can’t Get Him Out Of My Head”
As regards you still being in love with him and unable to get him out of your head, yes, I hear that. I hear it all the time from women in your situation. What it is really about is you desperately wanting to feel loved, needed and validated. Somehow you need his love right now – or you think you do – to feel any love for yourself.
Sorry to tell you, but that really isn’t healthy.
Better news is that it passes.
“I Must Have Been Mad”
It is only when we take responsibility for our own situation that we can claim the power to change it. For as long as ‘things’ happen to us, we can only react. We are at the mercy of the world outside ourselves. Saying that you must have been mad is a first step out of ‘victimhood’.
“What are the Stages of Healing from an Abusive Relationship?”
The stages of healing from an abusive relationship follow no particular time scale and some of them may well overlap. Expect to regress from time to time at each step along the way. That is normal, even predictable. It is also unimportant as regards the final outcome. Each stage will take you further on your journey back to health and wholeness.
“For The First Time In My Life I Feel Someone Is There For Me”
An abused woman will always tell you how hopeless and helpless and meaningless she is without her partner. She will tell you that she is nothing. In fact, she will be so convinced that she is a complete zero that she won’t even see and hear the reality.
“I Know I’m Being Silly But…”
Blame is a great way that abusive men avoid dialogue. They avoid it because they could lose. They won’t tell you about their innermost feelings, only the hurt that you’ve caused and the faults you’ve committed. Normally when an adult woman talks about being silly, whether or not she knows it, she is using that playground language to minimize her profound feelings of distress. The kind of silliness that abused women reproach themselves for is about ‘messing up’ and feeling needy and stupid and pathetic. That kind of silliness reduces you to a powerless child trying desperately to curry favour with a cross, punitive adult.
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
