Blog
How do you know you’re not at fault?
Dear Annie,
How do you know when you’re not at fault?
“I’ve been married for 10 years, and just now wondering if all this time of struggling and trying to have a happy relationship, really I’m in an abusive one.
I don’t get called names, but it’s like I don’t matter. From the beginning when we’ve argued, […]
What are you NOT seeing?
Claire spent a lot of years in a toxic marriage, bringing up her 3 children the best way she could.
And – like every abused woman I’ve ever known – she made an amazingly good job of it. She managed to give far more care, love and respect than she’d received.
How did she do it?
Let me […]
No Small Things
If you really love someone the small things will take care of themselves. Right or wrong?
In a relationship, what matters is getting the big things right, right? Get them right and the small things are just, well, ‘details’…
Allegedly.
But take a moment to think about it. How many fights have you had […]
Are you invisible?
Sara sat in the restaurant with tears trickling down her cheek, while an abusive partner ranted on about her Making Impossible Demands on him.
When she described the scene, I remembered how the same thing had happened to me (more than once, I’m sorry to say) and how devastated I’d felt.
Have you […]
Does the “Happily Ever After” exist?
Romance probably exerts a powerful pull over you. Many things in your life taught you to desire the Happily Ever After. Yet, nobody ever taught you how to create it. So, here’s a very quick rule of thumb: The thing most likely to guarantee Happily Ever After is…
“Can an abuser change overnight?”
It’s only in fairy tales that Mr Nasty suddenly changes, overnight, into Prince Charming. Abusers don’t change over night – not least, because they don’t want to. (Although that won’t stop them promising, if they think:
a) they’ve gone too far
b) you’ll listen)
“Will counselling help?”
Abused women don’t give up easily on a bad relationship or an abusive man. Tammy Wynette’s “Stand by your man” could have been written for them. For as long as they hope the last glimmer of life and hope is still there, they are prepared to give the relationship one more try. Which is where the question: “Will counselling help?” comes in. Usually, abused women want two things from coaching:
“Where is my self-esteem?”
Dear Annie,
I have finally ended the marriage and we have been divorced for 3 months, and yet I find I feel worse as time goes on. At first I felt a sense of relief (maybe because his anger, comments, judgement were still fresh in my mind). When I was with him I felt miserable most […]
Women Who Give Too Much
An abusive man will always see you in the worst possible light, interpret what you do in the most damning way, and judge you mercilessly. Abused women who give too much spend a lot of time beating themselves up about not giving enough, not loving enough, and not being good enough… to name but three of their deep-seated negative beliefs about themselves.
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
