Blog
“And… and… and-ing”
Last week, I listened to an interview on Desert Island Discs with Lord Victor Adebowale, who started his working life as a street sweeper and went on becoming one of Britain’s rare black life peers. It was an inspirational interview, thanks to Lord Adebowale’s mental attitude. You can listen to the interview here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/features/desert-island-discs/castaway/40871661#b016kgtz
When asked about […]
“Is it me?”
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if, once an abusive relationship broke up, all the emotional damage magically disappeared? Just the way some people wish it would, when they don’t understand – and don’t want to understand – about the reality of emotional abuse.
You and I know it’s not that easy. There are layers and layers of […]
Wanda’s molehill
“Annie, I don’t know what to do. Things really are better with my husband,. He’s trying hard. But when communication breaks down between us, I start telling myself it’s hopeless, and I have to leave – even though that’s the last thing I want to do do. Help, please.”
Dear Wanda,
You and I have been in […]
One, Actually Two, Big, Fat, Damaging Myths
Farrah is someone who has put a LOT of effort into getting over an abusive relationship. She’s read a lot, thought a lot, and tried a lot of things, including counselling, without feeling a whole lot better. And, like most of the women I work with, she was struggling stoically. She’s come to accept that […]
Top 10 Signs of Catastrophizing
How can you tell if you’re catastrophizing when it’s something you’ve been doing for so long that it feels absolutely normal to you? And why should it matter anyway?
First, let’s look at the Top 10 Signs of Catastrophizing.
1) Catastrophizing takes you straight into Doom-and-Gloom mode. Something happens and before you know it you are in […]
From “damaged goods” to feeling good
What do women almost always tell themselves when they leave an abusive relationship?
One thing they tell themselves is that they are “damaged goods”.
Isn’t it great how we think of ourselves as merchandise rather than human beings?
I haven’t heard anyone come right out and say the words “shop soiled” yet, but damaged goods is a phrase […]
Why you should watch “Tyrannosaur”
“Tyrannosaur” is a low budget British film about domestic violence that has won several prizes, received almost unanimous critical acclaim, and is getting precious little exposure. Few cinemas are showing it and, when I went to see it there were only 6 people in the cinema – including myself and my companion.
Of course, there are […]
Dreams, devils, pheromones, and you
How does Mr Nasty do it? How does he worm his way into your heart, your bed, and your head – usually in exactly that order? Even if you’ve known him for a while, and found him thoroughly objectionable, the time comes when he dons his Prince Charming mask. He’s allergic to it, so he’s […]
Real Men Don’t Hit Women iii
Real men don’t hit women. And they don’t use words to hurt, humiliate, diminish, or reject them, either.
Abusive men do.
Enotionally abusive men can – and do – systematically smash women to pieces without ever raising their hand.
When emotional abuse happens to you, more often than not it seems to be a spontaneous outpouring of fury […]
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
